


Broken

by LOTSlover



Series: At Last Series [4]
Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-08
Updated: 2011-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:05:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LOTSlover/pseuds/LOTSlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

A thick haze of misting rain and fog had settled over the city. It was as if the clouds themselves had descended from the heavens and swallowed the town whole. He sighed to himself, knowing it wouldn't be long before the rain would soon become snow in the coming weeks. Muddy water splashed sloppily about his feet as he pushed his way through the city, not really attempting to sidestep the puddles that dotted the streets. He had significantly more important things on his mind than soggy boots.

People hurried past him, anxious to return home before more approaching storms arrived. Paying little attention to the mysterious figure with the dark cloak pulled tightly around him, individuals bumped into him with mumbled half-hearted apologies.

A frosty blast of wind suddenly tore through him, seeping into his bones and causing his cloak to whip wildly about him like dark massive wings about to take flight. He shivered against the icy chill, snuggling deeper into the welcoming comfort of his cloak as his fingers slipped outside to brush some loose strands of long gray hair out of his face. He firmly gripped the hood, tugging it further down over his brow, further shadowing his face. Clutching the front of his wrap, he quickened his pace. The scuffing sounds of his boots against the stone street quickened into clipped steps full of intent.

He strode through the rapidly deserting streets, a specific destination and a plan in mind. The Keeper himself could not prevent him right now. Lightning bolts silently split across the greenish tinted sky, followed moments later by the loud cracking that seemed to vibrate the very ground he walked on, startling him from contemplating the inner demons that haunted him.

What little light he'd had dimmed significantly as he abruptly turned down a narrow side street. The shadows of the alley hastily rose up as if beasts let loose from the very depths of the Underworld had suddenly come specifically for him. He paid little attention to the ominous murkiness that had enveloped him the moment he entered the alley, knowing there wasn't anyone who could stop him even if they tried.

A sudden shriek erupted into the night air, causing a momentary pause in his step. Another shrilling cry ripped the foggy night in two before a cat unexpectedly darted out under foot from behind a stack of crates hidden amongst the shadows of the alley.

The unexpected intrusion mattered little to him as he continued on his way. There was much work to be done; everything else of importance had faded away a lifetime ago. Truthfully, his life had come to a horrifying end long ago. He was a shell of the man that he used to be, but he knew within his heart that had no one to blame but himself.

Approaching the end of the alley, he didn't bother looking over his shoulder to make sure that he had not been followed. No one had even noticed that he had left. He came to a stop before a thick stone wall and with the slightest flick of his wrist an unseen door suddenly creaked open.

Without hesitation, he disappeared through the magical opening before it closed behind him. What he expected to find here would hopefully bring his arduous journey to an end.

XXX

The air was thick with the heated passion that enveloped the room as rain fell steadily outside, drumming rhythmically against the windows. The sounds of heavy panting combined with repeated moans and cries of pleasure infused their suite just as it had been for the last three days.

Everyone knew better than to interrupt the Seeker and Mother Confessor this soon after their wedding. No one wanted to face the wrath of the Seeker's sword by intruding on their privacy. He had made it fully clear to Cara that they were not going to be leaving their suite for at least three days, maybe more. She had been put in charge of making sure it stayed that way.

Both collapsing onto the bed in exhausted rapture, Richard and Kahlan exchanged tender kisses as he pulled her still tremulous form to lie flush against him. Nuzzling against his sweat-slicked chest, Kahlan snuggled even closer into his embrace as their breathing gradually returned to normal.

The last few days locked away in their suite had been beyond incredible. She couldn't get enough of him, being only temporarily sated, but never wholly contented. She felt completely at peace as she listened to the tranquil sounds of the falling rain, the reassuring thump-thump of her lover's heart beneath her. She loved his heart, loved everything about this man who held her close.

Lost in thoughts of her husband, Kahlan absentmindedly traced the dips and curves of the muscles of his stomach. Remembering all the love that they had shared the last few days, she began to wonder if they had created a baby yet. Spirits knew that if she wasn't with child yet, it wasn't for lack of trying. She smiled to herself, blushing at the intense intimacy that they had repeatedly shared the last three days. She couldn't wait to have a baby with him, a child that was a piece of both of their hearts. She wanted all their daughters to look just like their handsome father.

As much as she wanted to talk to him about it, Kahlan didn't want to push him into having a family right away. They had only been married for a little over three days. They should take time to adjust to the changes in their lives, his new role in Aydindril as husband to the Mother Confessor, settling into some sort of routine before suddenly adding another member to their little family. Kahlan knew, though, that the Council would also want them to begin a family soon so the line of Confessors could be continued.

She just hoped that Richard would truly be happy with just having daughters. Every man wanted a son to carry on his name, to continue the legacy and heritage of the family, to teach them the things that their father had taught them. But she knew that she could never have a son. And if they did…she swallowed back the sudden flood of emotion that caused her throat to constrict with the thought, despair rising up within her and threatening the bliss that pervaded her entire spirit. A son with her could never be no matter how much she wished for one.

His heart finally returning to a steady beat, Richard ran his fingers through her slightly damp hair, savoring the feel of her feminine curves molded against his, her fingers tracing affectionately over his skin. Making love with her was better than he had ever dreamed was possible. He loved this moment right after carrying each other right over that intense pinnacle of rapture, holding each other close, their bodies cooling from their heated release, their hearts gradually returning to a steady rhythm from the frenzied pounding of showing each other what they felt deep within for the other.

Absentmindedly twisting and curling a strand of her hair around his finger, Richard lost himself to his wandering thoughts. The last three days had been intense and passionate to say the least. He wondered if they had created a baby yet. He couldn't wait to have a house full of daughters with her.

As much as he wanted to keep her all to himself for long as humanly possible, there was the part of him that could hardly wait to create a family with her, to see a part of him and Kahlan in that tiny little bundle in their arms, a daughter that was an amazing image of their pure love for one another. As many times as they had made love, he would be surprised if they hadn't made a baby together yet. Of course if they hadn't, they would just have to keep trying. He readily decided that that would be his most favorite part of the experience of creating a family with Kahlan – the trying.

The thought of making love with her, planting his seed deep within her, their essence combining to form a perfect little life inside of Kahlan's womb made his blood begin to pulsate wildly again in his veins. Their profound love creating a new life was the most amazing form of magic that he dreamed could ever exist.

As much as he wanted to talk to Kahlan about having a baby, he also didn't want to push her. She'd been through so much turmoil the last several days that he didn't want to cause her any more stress right now. She needed time to recover, time to heal, time to just be a wife before taking on the added responsibility of motherhood. He knew beyond a doubt, though, that Kahlan would be an amazing mother.

Having watched Kahlan with Renn, he knew well over a year ago what a wonderful mother she would be. It had been one of the things that had made him fall even more in love with her. It was what had made him voice those words to her about them being parents someday and having had the practice. Frowning, he internally groaned, still surprised that he had even allowed those thoughts to become voiced words.

And then there was her duty as Mother Confessor. He was sure there was a tremendous amount of work to be done since Kahlan had been gone for so long despite the fact that Dennee had been here overseeing things as best she could. He already hated the possibility of only seeing Kahlan in the morning when they woke and then again at the end of the day. Except for his time with the Sisters of the Light, he'd practically had her with him constantly for the last two years, had become so accustomed to selfishly having her by his side at any given moment of the day. Now, everything was all going to radically change.

Richard readily decided that they would wait to talk about having children until Kahlan brought it up. He would wait forever for her if that's what she asked of him. As much as he wanted to have a family with her, she above everything was still most important to him, even more so than having children. Her health and well-being came above all else. Without her, his life held no meaning.

Her head resting against his chest, Kahlan could hear his heart quickening. She wondered what he could be thinking about, what had made his heart suddenly beat faster. As much as she loved the last three days spent alone with him in their suite, Kahlan had some other plans for him. There was a special place she wanted to take him to tomorrow, a place that she had never before shared with another living soul. She hoped he would love it as much as she did. She hadn't been there since she had left Aydindril to find Richard.

Pressing another kiss to his chest, Kahlan closed her eyes, murmuring, "Good night, my love," as sleep swiftly claimed her exhausted but satisfied body.

"Night, my Kahlan," he sleepily murmured in response as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, his eyes slipping closed with equal exhaustion and contentment.

XXX

Walking hand in hand, Richard could only wonder at what his beautiful wife was up to. He could hardly wait to find out. The mischievous grin that played on her lips, the twinkle that danced in her eyes was driving him wild with need to be with her again despite that fact that they had locked themselves in their suite for over three days. Richard felt that he could have easily stayed in there with her forever.

Dragging her husband down the hall, Kahlan kept a tight grip on his hand. She could feel his eyes roaming over her posterior causing her to quicken her pace. She could barely wait to show him her favorite place in all of Aydindril, could hardly wait to feel his hands on her, touching her everywhere.

"Where are we going again?"

"You'll see soon enough," she lightly laughed, casting a playful glance back over her shoulder at him.

Her luxurious hair gently bounced with her eager steps, cascading down her back and shining in the wash of sunlight that flooded the main entrance. Richard was anxious to bury his hands in her thick hair, to run his fingers through the silky strands once more.

"There are some more things I'd love to show you back in our suite," he enticingly teased her, his eyes flashing with his desire for her.

"You already showed me more than I dreamed possible in our suite. It's my turn now," she purred, suddenly stopping and spinning around to capture his lips in a heated kiss of promise of what was to come.

Richard sighed deeply into her mouth, his fingers immediately finding her hair. "You've already been more than amazing, my Kahlan," he murmured against her lips, tilting his head to brush his nose against hers.

"Miss Kahlan! Mr. Cypher! So glad to see you," Edmond greeted with glee as he entered the main hall of the Confessor's Palace. "Finally decided to leave your suite?"

"Against my will," Richard complained with a devilish gleam in his chestnut eyes. "Kahlan can be very persuasive, though."

"That she is," Edmond readily agreed with a broad smile. It warmed his heart to see Kahlan and Richard so happy and in love. Watching the Seeker standing there with his arm wrapped around the Mother Confessor, Edmond had never seen Kahlan so happy in his entire life.

"I have a special place in Aydindril that I want to show my husband," Kahlan proudly stated as she looked into Richard's eyes, giving him the smile she shared with no other.

"Ah, I see. Well, I guess we can review those prisoners down in the dungeons tomorrow," he replied with a knowing smirk.

"I can review them later this evening after we return," Kahlan began, her brow furrowing with the sudden battle between love and duty.

"Oh, no you won't," Richard adamantly protested, pulling her into a firmer embrace. "My wife is all mine at least for today. The Mother Confessor can return to her duties tomorrow."

"I agree. You better go, though, before Miss Cara discovers that you're leaving the Palace grounds," Edmond reminded them, wiggling his wiry eyebrows in warning.

Releasing his hold on her, Richard gripped her hand, leading Kahlan from the main entrance. "Thank you, Edmond," he called over his shoulder as Kahlan quickly passed him, taking the lead once more as she adjusted her pack on her shoulder.

Following his wife out to the horse stables, Richard's mind began to drift over Kahlan's duties as the Mother Confessor. He knew that Kahlan had seen horrendous things, had taken confessions from some of the vilest people in the territories, had risked her life on countless occasions, but the full extent of the dangers that she was still in as the Mother Confessor was just beginning to sink in.

Now that the rift was sealed and the Keeper was defeated, Richard had naively assumed that the risk to Kahlan had somehow diminished, that she wouldn't be put into those dangerous situations any longer. He knew that her role as the Mother Confessor required her to preside and rule over criminals, to negotiate settlements and further peace, but he certainly hated the idea of her being down in that filthy dungeon with those prisoners.

Richard attempted to remind himself that Kahlan had been a Confessor long before he had known her, had been trained in that role since coming to live in Aydindril and had been down in those dungeons numerous times. She was the most powerful Mother Confessor in thousands of years. But that had been before he even knew Kahlan Amnell existed and she certainly hadn't been his wife back then either.

It was hard for him to imagine life before Kahlan, though. It was as if she had always been a part of him, a part of him that he hadn't been aware of until he met her. Since then, the feeling of finally being complete and whole because of her was something he could never live without. Without Kahlan, he was a body without a soul.

He tried to remember that Kahlan was capable of taking care of herself, but that did little to calm the tempest of worry that was beginning to swell in his heart. Richard suddenly came to a stop, startling Kahlan as he pulled her back to him. "I don't like the idea of you going down into the dungeons with those prisoners, Kahlan."

"What?"

Staring at him, Kahlan was completely taken aback by his words. Concern creased his forehead, his eyebrows drawn down as he stared into her eyes, piercing directly into her soul. He was clutching her hand tightly, holding it against his heart as he studied her.

"I know you're the Mother Confessor, Kahlan, but I still don't like the idea of you going down into the dungeons and being around those criminals. It's dangerous. You could get hurt or taken captive…or worse."

Watching the tempest of emotions cloud his eyes, Kahlan could see how deeply worried he was about her. "Richard, I've been down there hundreds of times. There are guards everywhere down there. It would be foolish for them to try anything."

"I know, but you weren't my wife then. I don't want you going down there."

"It's my duty as the Mother Confessor to take their confessions and pronounce judgment. Besides, I can take care of myself, Richard," she smiled at him, attempting to allay his fears as she turned to walk away.

Richard refused to let her go so quickly, exasperation and fear seeping into his soul. To him, this was not a settled matter. "I'm serious, Kahlan…" he pushed further, irritation brewing just beneath the surface and looking for release.

"And so am I. I will not relinquish my duties as Mother Confessor because my husband is being over-protective." Kahlan could feel her annoyance begin to simmer. Where was this coming from? He was being ridiculous. The prisoners knew better than to try anything when locked in a dungeon with a Confessor.

Sighing in frustration, Richard finally brought her hand to his lips. Brushing her fingers with soft kisses, he watched the fire of annoyance in her eyes rapidly turn into a fire of a different sort. It caused arousal to suddenly spark within him as well.

"Alright, but I'm going with you," he finally relented, not wanting to ruin their day together. "I just don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you, Kahlan. I love you."

"…forever, Richard," she declared with a lop-sided smile. Leaning in, she kissed him with a passion that equaled the look that burned in her eyes. "Now, come on…I've got something to show you."

"I'll bet you do," he muttered in amusement, allowing her to drag him around to the stables, aching to be alone with her once more.


	2. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Secretly reentering the Keep, he swept through the empty halls, anxious to return to his room. His journey into town had been most profitable, rewarding him with what he had been searching for. Passing easily through magical barriers put in place to keep intruders out, he took the steps two at a time as he made his way to the second level of the Keep.

Closing and locking the door behind him, he pulled his damp cloak off, shaking the rain from his hair. He quickly retrieved the unassuming package from his pocket and took it to the small table in his room. Pulling the string from the brown paper package, he held his breath as he anxiously began peeling back the paper to expose the item.

With trembling fingers, he carefully picked up the small object that rested in the middle of the paper. He wasn't tremulous because of fear or from the chill that was quickly settling in his bones from being wet, but because of a possible realization. It came from the expectation of being that much closer to seeing his dream fulfilled. It was a purpose that he had sacrificed so much for, had given his life in pursuit of.

Holding the object up to the light that filtered through the small window, he studied the spectacular object, wondering at the possibilities that it held within it, taking in how it captured the light, refracting and bending it at will. If he could just find the right spell, this little item could hold the ultimate answer.

Setting his prized possession aside, Da'Tavius pulled out his book. Opening it up, he dipped his pen in the ink before journaling the most recent events that brought him that much closer to realizing his goal. He wanted this book to be available for all those who came after him to read, to be in awe of what he was able to accomplish.

It would be beyond what any Wizard before him had ever been able to achieve. To actually be able to contain one's emotions, allowing one to be in complete control of his heart would be monumental. He would be the most revered, most honored Wizard of all time. He would be able to focus solely on his position as leader of all the Wizards of the First Order.

Love, hate, fear, elation, greed, pride…they all led to a person's downfall, all corrupting the heart and destroying the mind, interfering in life's goals. Emotions were destructive, a distraction that led to failure, made one weak, and only led to agonizing pain. They were useless and needed to be contained…no, eliminated at all cost.

A mind and heart devoid of emotion made a person powerful, allowing one to focus on the most important things in life. Peace, prosperity and protection of life. These were the most important things that needed to be pursued at all cost.

Without control of emotions, there was war, poverty, corruption, and disease. If man could rule their hearts instead of allowing the heart to rule the mind, the world would be a better place to live. Once mastered, man could focus on the needs and welfare of others instead of pursuing their own selfish desires, fulfilling their own self-seeking purposes. The world would eventually thank him, acknowledging him for the magnificent Wizard that he was, a Wizard with a noble heart that saved humanity.

XXX

Momentarily closing his eyes, he felt as if he were flying as the wind pulsed against his face and whipped through his hair. Leaning down further, Richard felt as if he were one with the animal he rode, an extension of the powerful beast at his command as he followed his wife up the mountain path.

He had been surprised when they had reached the stables and found two beautiful horses waiting for them. He had been even more stunned when Kahlan had presented one to him. It was an amazing steed, sleek and muscular, black as the darkest night with an energy that vibrantly danced in its eyes. It was the most magnificent horse Richard had ever seen.

Clutching his hand, Kahlan had led him to the horse, introducing him to Asa. She had leaned in, whispering in his ear how much she loved him and that the impressive steed was for him. It was his very own horse, a wedding present from Kahlan. Richard had stared in awe, his eyes wide with wonder as he reached out a hand, gently running his fingers over the shiny coat of the animal. So moved, he had been at a complete loss for words.

After several moments, Richard had finally turned towards her, immediately wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a tight embrace, lifting her feet off the ground as he buried his face in her hair. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her in that moment, but he was afraid to speak for fear his voice would fail him.

Setting her gently back down on the ground, he took her face in his hands, staring into her sapphire eyes before he kissed her with all the love that he held for her. He hoped that she would feel in that single kiss what he was unable to say with words at that moment.

Watching her now as she pushed her horse higher and higher up the mountain, Richard felt as though he were living an incredible fantasy, a dream that he had always held onto. He had never given up in his belief of a life with Kahlan, but he knew her doubts and that had caused him a small measure of concern. If Kahlan had ultimately sent him away because of her fear and doubts, he would have been unable to deny her wishes in the end. He was unable to deny her anything. But his dream had come true…with her, the only woman he had ever truly loved.

He watched in admiration as his wife led the way, her white Confessor's dress billowing behind her. Her long raven hair was a stark contrast to her dress as it flowed like black liquid in the wind. She rode a magnificent mare named Marley that was as pure white as the Confessor's dress. Kahlan looked as if she were riding in a white cloud that regally carried her towards the top of the mountain.

Every time Richard thought that his life with her could never be better, a moment like this came along and proved him so very wrong. Absentmindedly reaching up to straighten his vest, his hand brushed against the diary he had tucked in his pocket before leaving their suite. The diary was a reminder of his fear, his terror of losing control again. He was determined now more than ever to conquer the beast that dwelt inside of him before it took what he loved most, before it destroyed the world.

While he was unlike his ancestors, the house of Rahl, he feared the rage inside of him was. He was terrified of becoming just like them. He was anxious to read Da'Tavius's journal and discover some sort of solution to his fury.

Kahlan glanced over her shoulder to make sure her husband was keeping pace with her. Turning back towards the path, she smiled to herself, the look of pure elation on Richard's face setting her pulse to racing. Her lips still tingled from the kiss he had given her when she had presented him with Asa. It had warmed her heart to see how overjoyed he had been with her wedding present. It wasn't much, but she had wanted to do something for him, something that would be useful to him and yet would remind him of her when she wasn't near him.

She knew immediately that Asa was the perfect gift for her new husband to enjoy. Asa was as black as Marley was white, fitting together completely just like the Seeker and his Confessor. The steed's powerfully built form had reminded Kahlan of Richard, the strength and spirit she saw in the horse so much like her Seeker. Now that they were living in Aydindril, Richard would need a horse for his own personal use. She could tell by his speechless reaction to her gift that he had loved it as much as she had hoped that he would.

Kahlan wanted nothing more than to make Richard as happy as he made her and she planned on spending the rest of her life doing precisely that. Nearing the top of the mountain, Kahlan suddenly turned her horse into a small clearing of thick green grass. They were finally here.

Dismounting from her horse, Kahlan removed her pack, allowing Marley to freely graze. Richard quickly followed her example, allowing Asa to roam with Kahlan's mare. Taking his hand in hers, Kahlan smiled her special smile.

"Come with me," she murmured before biting her bottom lip, excitement lighting up her whole face.

"The Keeper himself could never prevent me from following you," he replied, anxious to show her just how much he loved the present she had given him.

Walking beside her, Richard was completely spellbound by his wife, oblivious to the breathtaking splendor that surrounded him. There was nothing that could ever come close to comparing to Kahlan's exquisite beauty. It wasn't until she came to a stop that Richard even noticed where he was standing.

Spreading out her blanket on the grass, Kahlan smiled to herself as she heard the subtle gasp that slipped past his lips, his gaze at last soaking in the incredible view. It was why she loved it up here, why she would escape to this secluded spot that no one knew about. And now, she was finally sharing it with her husband, a man that she loved more than life.

Richard became completely captivated by the landscape that surrounded him, the scenery that seemed to literally draw him in, wrapping its arms around him and embracing him. Taking her hand in his, the Seeker and Mother Confessor stood overlooking the magnificent city, completely losing themselves in the sight of Aydindril sitting majestically upon the top of the next mountain just below their feet.

The city appeared as if it were shimmering, absorbing and reflecting the sunlight that shone down upon it. As he scanned the city, Richard easily picked out the Confessor's Palace standing proudly in all its stately glory, exhibiting every bit of its ultimate authority over the Midlands. The Wizard's Keep rose dark and menacing on a hill behind it as if the Wizards were still there guarding and protecting the Confessors. While the Confessor's Palace stood in righteous justice that spread out over the entire city, the Wizard's Keep was like an ominous shadow, its powerful magic reaching up towards the heavens.

Residents of Aydindril milled about like ants at a picnic, scurrying here and there at a furious pace, completely unaware they were being observed by their Mother Confessor and her husband. Leaving the activity of the city, the Seeker's gaze took in the land surrounding it, the trees towering like formidable green pillars faithfully keeping watch as well as the scattered hills rising up around to protect the city. Expansive flattened plains stretched out beyond them as far as the eye could see.

Richard reveled in the sudden flood of emotion that came with the impressive view that reminded him of Westland. As much as he missed his homeland, Richard would rather live with Kahlan forever and never return home than to give her up for a momentary glimpse of Hartland. Kahlan was his home now.

"Richard, are you alright?"

Her voice sweet and soothing like honey reached past the sudden heaviness in his soul bringing him back to the exhilaration of the moment. "I'm fine…it's just so incredible up here."

"I've never shared this with anyone…only you," she softly admitted to him, her eyes returning to the city she loved as she clutched his hand affectionately in hers, her thumb brushing back and forth.

"It's absolutely beautiful…thank you, Kahlan," he murmured, moved by her openness, her need to share every part of herself with him. It caused his heart to hammer with the magnitude of her love for him. As he stared at her, Richard could feel his blood begin to stir with his never-ending need for her alone.

Turning her attention back to her husband, Kahlan was startled by the naked desire she saw permeating his eyes. She felt as if a hundred butterflies had been suddenly set free in the pit of her stomach, their wings fluttering wildly, sending a rush of arousal through her system before settling into her pelvis.

The fiery dance of passion was about to begin again.

Richard closed the short distance that separated them, his lips capturing hers with the frantic intensity of his love. Her pack was all but forgotten as it slid down her shoulder, falling to the ground as she pressed her body against him. Close was never close enough as their intense need to be joined with one other deepened. His body demanded to be inside of her; her body begged him to take her once more.

Kahlan groaned as his mouth left hers to trail kisses along her jaw and down her throat, his fingers finding the laces of her dress as her head fell back. Her fingers raked through his hair with the mounting need that was rapidly flaming out of control, the feel of her magic already rippling greedily within her. It never ceased to amaze her how quickly she responded to him. He could ignite her passion with a single look, a simple touch, or a softly spoken word. Sometimes, Kahlan believed that she would surely go mad just with her overwhelming need for him at times.

The taste and feel of her skin beneath his lips was like an aphrodisiac that struck like lightning to his core. His breath was already coming out in frantic pulls of hunger. He could never get enough of her and at the same time, she was the only one who could satisfy his soul. She made him stronger and yet his knees weak, made his desire burn like fire in his veins while at the same time sending icy chills down his spine. Spirits, this woman could do things to him that no other woman was capable of.

Richard's lips and tongue followed his fingers as he whispered kisses along her collarbone, pushing her dress from her shoulder, exposing her porcelain skin. Kahlan's mind was a whirling cyclone, her dress pooling at her feet as Richard lowered her to her green blanket. Leaning over her, he sat back on his heels, his dark brown eyes penetrating into hers as he shed his vest and sword before pulling his shirt up over his head.

Kahlan reached up, gently scraping her nails against his defined chest, teasing his nipples as he lowered himself back over her. A husky moan escaped from his lips as her fingers continued to play over his muscles before finding the laces of his pants. His strong hands stroked her thighs, pushing her underskirt deliciously higher to his ultimate goal.

Removing her corset, she arched her back, her head extending back as his warm mouth found her breast. His panting breath was like heated flames against her flesh, causing her heart to pound in anticipation as his hands continued higher up her thighs.

As his lips began to journey up her throat, Kahlan suddenly rolled them over, taking control and taking him by surprise. The sight of her gazing down at him as she straddled him caused Richard to immediately buck up into her, a wicked grin spreading across his face. He swiftly sat up, pulling her flush against his chest, his hands roaming over the smooth skin of her back as he crushed his lips to hers in a searing open-mouthed kiss.

"I want to hear my name on your lips as you come for me," he breathlessly whispered into her ear, desperate to feel himself surrounded by her sweet wet warmth, to feel their bodies moving together in that intimate dance of love.

Kahlan moaned a sultry, throaty sound full of passionate need causing him to take control once more. Pulling her back down on top of him, he rapidly flipped her over onto her back. Kahlan had been right – this was going to be even better than the last three days they had spent in their suite.

XXX

"Where are they?"

The sound of her voice caused a pause in his step, the tone of her voice causing a shiver of anxiety to tingle over him. Turning to face her, Edmond smiled nervously at the approaching Mord'Sith, the look of scorn on her face causing him to internally shudder.

"Miss Cara, I was just coming to look for you!"

"Where are they, Ed?" Cara demanded with a hiss as she came to stop before him, crossing her arms and quirking an eyebrow.

She was in no mood for games. Lord Rahl and the Mother Confessor had been held up in their suite for three days straight without so much as a glimpse of either one. The only evidence that they had even been in there had been the muffled moans of pleasure that occasionally spilled from their suite. It had been much too quiet for too long, no noise escaping their suite for a good portion of the day, causing Cara to grow very suspicious.

Cara had finally knocked on their door only to be greeted by the cleaning staff. They had fearfully whimpered replies of ignorance at Cara's demands for Lord Rahl and the Mother Confessor's whereabouts. With a huff, the Mord'Sith had left them to their cleaning, storming through the halls of the Palace in pursuit of her missing friends.

"Where did who go?" Edmond meekly inquired, desperately attempting to avoid the question for as long as humanly possible.

"Lord Rahl and the Mother Confessor," Cara stated through gritted teeth, her temper ready to flare at any moment.

"I don't know where they went, Miss Cara," he truthfully answered, averting her glare. "I did see them earlier this morning. They were heading out somewhere, but didn't mention where they were going…just that they would be back later today."

"You let them go off alone?" Cara incredulously asked, her voice rising in disbelief as well as frustration. She was going to have to devise a way to keep better track of those two.

"Well, seeing how Mr. Cypher has that big nasty sword of his, I didn't feel it my place to question them."

"They think they can take care of themselves, but they can't. They just end up in more trouble," she heatedly mumbled under her breath.

"In any case, I do not think they were planning on going very far. I believe they are somewhere in Aydindril. I'm sure they are fine, Miss Cara. They should be back before nightfall."

Her lips twisted with disdain, Cara cursed under her breath, spinning on her heel as she turned to leave. Edmond quickly called after her before she got far.

"Miss Cara, I could use some assistance reviewing the new prisoners that were brought in the other day if you wouldn't mind helping me out until they return," he cheerfully offered.

With a huff, Cara finally muttered, "Lead the way, Ed."

Cara readily decided that beating some prisoners would be a good distraction to keep her occupied until Richard and Kahlan returned...


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Her eyelids slowly fluttered open, the sun burning brightly high above them. The feel of his arms wrapped so protectively around her caused her to squeeze him tighter. She lightly caressed his chest with her cheek, turning her head to press her lips against his tanned flesh.

After making love they had drifted off to sleep, listening to the sound of the horses nibbling at the grass and whinnying softly to each other in their own private conversation, bathing in the warmth of the sun shining down upon them. It was paradise up here, but even more so now that she had shared it so intimately with her husband.

Eyes still closed, Richard smiled, gasping softly at the feel of his wife's lips ghosting over his skin. He never wanted to wake up without her by his side. He ran his fingers through her silken tresses, savoring her tender attention, knowing that these intimate moments wouldn't be as abundant once duty and responsibilities took over. He felt a sudden weight of sadness with the thought.

While he was thankful that Kahlan was finally free from the dangers that they had faced on a daily basis, it bothered him to know that they wouldn't be sharing every meal together; she would no longer be by his side every moment of the day. He would miss seeing that smile she gave him when she caught him staring at her, the smile that made his heart skip a beat or those eyes that penetrated directly into his very soul sending shivers down his spine.

Soon, they would settle into their respective roles and he would be fortunate to even get a passing glimpse of his wife. So consumed with completing his quest, he had taken for granted all those months having her with him every minute of the day, never truly realizing that it would eventually have to come to an end. Now, Kahlan would be tied up in long deliberations with the Council, hearing testimonies and complaints, issuing sentences to prisoners and meeting with diplomats, kings and queens.

His days would be filled with finding ways to repair all the damage that the rifts had caused when they had ripped through the land. It was something that he had told Kahlan he wanted to take over once they had returned to Aydindril and had been married. He still felt a measure of guilt knowing that he had inadvertently caused all the destruction and devastation.

And then there was the matter of D'Hara and his brother Darken Rahl…

Richard squeezed his eyes tighter against the sudden feelings of anger and resentment that unexpectedly rose up within him. He hated the idea of having to share Kahlan with anyone, the idea of having to be separated from her in order for him to claim D'Hara and put things back in order there. They had already given up so much of themselves, given all they had for the safety and well-being of others. Didn't they deserve a bit of happiness, some time alone to just be husband and wife?

Sighing deeply, Richard attempted to shove aside the unsettling thoughts that had unexpectedly assaulted him. He didn't know where these feelings were coming from. He knew long ago that Kahlan was the Mother Confessor and that her duties would eventually demand that she return to Aydindril, that he would eventually have to share her with the Midlands. She was their Mother Confessor…but now she was his wife.

Jealousy seeped into his heart at the thought of having to share her with anyone. Kahlan was his, she belonged to him. No, she had belonged to the Midlands long before he had even met her. But she was his wife now and would hopefully soon carry their child. How could he ever ask her to neglect her duties as the Mother Confessor in Aydindril? But he was her husband. Didn't he have the right?

"Richard?"

The soothing sound of his name tore him from his conflicting thoughts. Richard opened his eyes, surprised to find Kahlan now lying on top of him, her lovely face hovering just inches above his own. He had no idea how he had been completely oblivious to her gorgeous naked form moving over him.

The look of love and concern on her face immediately broke the hold that anger had held on him. Her long fingers brushed a lock of hair from his forehead before lightly caressing along the side of his face, sending thousands of sparks of arousal coursing throughout his body. Her lips were slightly parted as her eyes roamed over his face in concern, attempting to draw some sort of answer for his abrupt sadness. The necklace he had given her as a symbol of his love hung delicately around her neck, telling everyone that she belonged to him alone.

She was like an amazing spirit from some imaginary land far, far away; a land of make believe that his mother had once read to him about when he was a child. She was this beautiful goddess that had suddenly come to life for the sole purpose of loving him.

Seeing the sadness that swam in his eyes, Kahlan leaned down, tenderly tracing his beautiful lips with her fingertip, causing icy tingles to shiver through his veins. She lightly grazed them with hers, taking her time, tantalizing him and showing him in her own way what she felt for him. She slowly drew his lower lip into her mouth, teasing him out of his reverie and drawing him back to her. Her hands caressed either side of the stubble on his handsome face, her breasts repeatedly rubbing against his hardened chest with her subtle movements setting his heart to pounding once more.

A heated sigh of desire escaped his throat as he gave himself over to the love she was deliberately pouring into him. His fingers suddenly gripped the blanket spread out beneath him, digging his fingers into the threads as he happily surrendered to the intense awakening surging between them.

Kissing down his chin and along his jaw, Kahlan could feel him already responding to her. Kissing and nipping her way along his throat, she felt more than heard the repeated moans vibrating from his chest. His hands suddenly gripped her hips, his fingers kneading her soft flesh with desperation for her to complete him once more.

Her name became a throaty, prayerful chant playing on his lips as she kissed his chest, her tongue sliding out to outline each and every delicious curve of his muscles, her teeth raking over his nipples. Her slow, unhurried love was rapidly driving him crazy with a frantic need for her, his chest rising and falling heavily. Swallowing hard, he tilted his head back as his body began arching in response to her focused attentions.

Working her way back up to his ear, she slid her tongue out over the lobe, drawing it into her mouth and teasing it before finally releasing it. She gently blew away the moisture she had left on his earlobe, causing him to shudder. Her breath was warm and sensual as she whispered into his ear. "I have something I want to show you."

Richard groaned loudly, his hips involuntarily jerking up off the blanket in sweet desperation to feel her warmth welcoming him, completely enveloping him. He could scarcely draw his next breath as his desire for her stormed wildly out of control. He felt as if his body was on fire for her.

"Kahlan…Spirits, please…" he breathlessly begged for her to end his suffering now before he erupted.

With a seductive laugh, Kahlan abruptly began to pull away from him, standing to her feet and taking him completely by surprise. Reaching out her hand to him, she waited for him to stand as well, a mischievous glint in her bright blue eyes.

Opening his eyes at the sudden loss of contract, Richard saw Kahlan standing over him, her hand stretched out invitingly towards him. He didn't know how Kahlan even expected him to be able to stand let alone walk after what she had just done to him. His arousal was throbbing painfully for release, his breathing still erratic, sweat glistened on his brow. He knew, though, that Kahlan would never get him this worked up for nothing. She had a definite purpose in mind and he was more than anxious to find out just what those plans involved.

With a painful groan, Richard slowly stood to his feet and took her hand, shoving aside the desperate desire to pull her to the ground and devour her right here. "You're going to be the death of me, Kahlan Amnell…and a sweet death it will be."

"I plan on making it worth your while, Seeker," she murmured before pressing a heated kiss to his lips to hold him over until she got him where she wanted him.

"I have no doubt," he grinned as his eyes roamed over her flawless body, eager to follow her anywhere she wanted to lead him. He just hoped they would get there sooner than later and that clothing was still optional.

Allowing her to lead him around some thick brush a short distance from their packs, Richard was startled to discover a hot spring nearby. He was surprised that he hadn't noticed it when they had first arrived, but it was somewhat hidden with rocks and brush partially obscuring it from view.

Richard's mouth suddenly became a desert as he watched Kahlan step into the spring, her graceful form slowly being swallowed up as the blue liquid surrounded her, drawing her in deeper and deeper into its depths until it nearly reached her shoulders.

Turning to face him, she smiled broadly. "It's awfully lonely in here by myself," she said as her eyes feasted on her husband's muscular shape, her blood beginning to pound in her ears as her eyes at last locked with his heated stare.

The corners of his lips turned up as he watched her blue orbs roaming over him, drinking him in and delighting in what she saw. He loved that he alone could bring her so much pleasure, that she found him so desirable. Walking to the edge of the hot spring, his dark brown eyes were locked on sparkling blue ones as he entered the water. The electricity crackling between them suddenly made the very air warm and thick with the musky scent of arousal, their intense desire that could never be sated for very long.

Kahlan felt her breath catch in her chest as she watched him draw near to her, wanton lust plainly visible in his face. Reaching out a hand, he stared into her eyes as he tenderly hooked a strand of hair behind her ear. He hungrily pulled her to him in a passionate kiss that hinted at the intimacy they were about to experience once more.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?" he breathlessly asked, his forehead pressed to hers as he nuzzled his nose against hers.

"Hmm…I think so…but I don't mind hearing it again," she softly smiled as she brushed butterfly kisses along his cheekbone. His heated breath against her skin made her shiver with need despite the warmth of the spring.

"I love you, my Kahlan…my wife…my world," he murmured as his eyes slid closed, his hands finding her hair and twisting the long strands around his fingers as she continued to trail kisses across his face.

"…forever, my Richard…" she whispered as he helped her wrap her long slender legs around his waist, her arms finding his neck, drawing him to her.

XXX

He strode through the halls, his mind completely absorbed by what he intended to find, what he knew he had to do it. It would eventually be best for everyone he reminded himself. He knew they would eventually see that once they found out; everyone would have to see that in the end.

He scarcely noticed those that he passed, barely acknowledging them as he wound his way through the Keep towards the central library in the lower level. He knew he had other duties he needed to attend to, but they would all have to wait until this was finished. It bore far more importance than anything else happening in Aydindril right now even if others would not feel that way if they knew. Besides, there were many others just as capable of handling the daily activities.

"Da'Tavius!"

The sound of his name echoing down the hall brought him to an abrupt stop, causing him to freeze in place as recognition immediately washed over him. Turning, he was stunned to see that the man who had called his name was actually here in Aydindril.

"Silas? What are you doing here?"

"Greetings, old friend!" Silas exclaimed as he approached him, pulling him into a warm embrace, firmly clapping his hands on his back. "I am so sorry, Da'Tavius. I wish I could have come sooner, but I couldn't get away until now. How have you been holding up?"

"I'm fine," he tersely replied as he stiffened, his jaw firmly set in an attempt to hold in the emotions he was so desperate to eradicate.

"Now, Da'Tavius, it's not just anyone you're talking to. It's me…Silas. We've known each other since we were boys," he prodded a little further, his voice filled with concern. There was no way that he could be fine. No one could be after what he had been through.

Silas's dark green eyes roamed over the tall Wizard standing before him, taking in his rumpled cloak, his unkempt hair and beard. His face looked hard and worn, his once bright blue eyes now dull and listless. He appeared distant and cold, emotionless as a statue, his thoughts obviously preoccupied with something other than his friend.

"Really, Silas, you made the trip for nothing. I appreciate you coming all this way to see me, but I'm doing just fine," he coolly insisted as he stood tall and proud before his oldest friend, trying to allay his concerns. Someone prying into his plans was the last thing he needed right now. "I am a Wizard of the First Order and head of the Order, you know."

"Yes, I know, I know…but that still doesn't erase what…"

"How are things in Kinsley?" Da'Tavius abruptly interrupted, determined not to go down the path that his friend was attempting to drag him down.

"Fine," he replied with a sigh of resignation, bewilderment filling his face. "Tressa sends her love."

Da'Tavius smiled weakly at the sound of her name. It had felt like a lifetime ago and yet it seemed just like yesterday since he had last seen Silas and Tressa. Her name caused a flicker of warmth to spark in his heart, taking him back to simpler times, a time when things had been so happy for them all. So much had happened since then, so much that he was anxiously trying to forget, so much that he was now desperate to change.

"Give her my love," he gently said, the hardened lines around his eyes momentarily softening. "Tell her I promise I'll come see her as soon as I can find time to get away."

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Silas gave him a comforting squeeze. "You really need to, Da'Tavius. Your sister misses you terribly. She would have come if she could have, but her health isn't what it used to be. She grows weaker by the day. I fear she won't be with us much longer," Silas softly admitted, his voice cracking with the rising emotion.

All too familiar with the searing pain of loss, Da'Tavius watched as tears filled his brother-in-law's eyes. Da'Tavius couldn't bear the thought of losing his only sister. They had been so close growing up, always together and getting into trouble, Silas right there along with them the whole time. The three of them had been inseparable as children.

Then Da'Tavius' gift had come to the surface and a life separate from his sister and his friend had begun. Training as a Wizard of the First Order had taken precedence and had led to a life consumed with study and practice away from his home and all that was familiar to him. Silas and Tressa had eventually married, but had always stayed close in Da'Tavius's heart.

"I know," he shamefully admitted, hot tears suddenly stinging his own eyes as he hung his head in a wash of guilt. "I have seen it in her letters."

"I'll be here for a couple more days before I need to return to Tressa. I have some business to see to while I'm here in Aydindril. Will you be free to meet for dinner this evening?"

"I will see what I can do. I'm in the middle of something vitally important right now. It's been consuming much of my time, but I assure you I'll see what I can do about making time to see you before you leave Aydindril," he replied with a forced smile, swallowing back the pain that had risen in his heart.

"You can leave word at the Welmont Inn where I'm staying. I'll wait to hear from you," Silas informed him, embracing him swiftly again before turning back down the hall.

Resuming his course towards the lower level of the Keep, Da'Tavius felt a sudden wavering inside that had not been there since he had started this quest. Was it doubt? Misgivings? No, he had to stay the course and finish what he had started. He had come this far; there was no going back now.

Drawing a deep breath, Da'Tavius's face became set like stone once more, cold and emotionless just like he had practiced. Knowing that his sister Tressa was standing at the precipice of the Underworld only hardened his resolve to see this through. The sooner his emotions were abolished the easier the pain of her impending death would be.

Sweeping into the massive library like a tornado bent on destruction, Da'Tavius strode directly towards the row of books he was certain would hold the necessary spell to complete his mission. Scanning the spines of the numerous volumes before him, his fingers absentmindedly brushed over the crystal object hidden protectively in his robe pocket.

Thoughts of his sister, precious memories churned up from the past, love found and so devastatingly lost tumbled over and over in his conflicted mind. Seeing Silas had brought back things that he had long since buried when he began this life's pursuit. Bitterness, doubt, intense pain of loss, memories of a distant happiness and contentment, a life filled with love given and received warred with his purpose, the purpose that he had solidified in his heart months ago.

Soon, his quest would be over. He would a Wizard of the First Order with the ultimate control and power over his heart, allowing him to rule solely with reason and logic.


	4. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

_"Supreme control of the heart is the most significant achievement a person can ever hope to attain for it alone is the seat of all emotions. Hurt and anguish, jealousy and greed…nothing good can ever come from it. Rage, revenge, retribution? All of it leads man down a forbidden path he should never be on. What good can ever come from it?_

 _Happiness, ecstasy, and love…ah, love…it is the vilest of all emotions because it can bring such overwhelming joy when first found, but it will only lead to the most agonizing pain, destroying a life. It can cloud the mind and shield the eyes from what is real; it tricks the body into believing they need that person in order to survive. And when it is lost…it causes the heart as well as the soul to die…"_

Looking up from the journal, Richard pondered the words he had just read as he stared into the dancing flames softly licking the logs in the fireplace. While he whole-heartedly agreed with Da'Tavius about rage and retribution, he could not agree with his views on love. Kahlan and her love had brought him so much happiness and peace, had taught him so much more about himself. Everything that he was and would ever be was because of her.

She was his reason for living, for waking every morning. Her love nourished and sustained him, gave him a purpose and hope, made all of his fantasies come true beyond his wildest expectations. Without her, life would be empty and hollow.

His mind began to slowly drift over all the times when he had come so close to losing her, moments when he had in fact felt as if his heart had been truly failing him because she was in danger. The horror of watching her fight in battle, never knowing if they would survive or wondering when the Keeper was going to strike next, taking her away from him forever – it all reminded him of the anguish that love can bring.

Maybe Da'Tavius was correct in his assumptions. Love could indeed lead to the deadliest form of pain…

 _"My brother-in-law Silas visited me today. I had not seen him in well over a year. While I thought that I had gained some ground in controlling my heart through my mind alone, seeing Silas today proved to me just how much more work is required in this pursuit...my sister Tressa is failing and will soon be gone forever. I am doing my best to not allow the thought of losing my sister dominate me, but alas, I am failing in this regard…It is proving most difficult and has renewed my determination to complete my quest…"_

Narrowing his gaze, Richard thoughtfully ran his fingers over the page, noticing the periodic smears in the ink, the dried teardrops that had marred the page where Da'Tavius had written about his sister's impending death, a lasting reminder and evidence of his struggle with his heart.

 _"…I went to the central library of the Keep in search of the spell I would need in order to achieve ultimate control. Regrettably, I was unable to locate the spell I so desperately need and had to leave before I could find it. I will try again tomorrow…"_

 _"…I wish there was something I could do to save my Tressa, but not even a Wizard of the First Order can prevent suffering and death. Perhaps once I have obtained victory over my emotions, I can focus my attentions on other things such as preventing pain and suffering…"_

Reading the rambling thoughts the Wizard had written, Richard felt as though he had crawled inside of Da'Tavius's mind and heart, like he was walking around in the Wizard's skin. As hard as Da'Tavius was trying to find a way to control his emotions through sheer will alone, Richard could still feel his pain through his writings, his hurt and frustration as if it were literally happening to him.

He felt his chest tightening with grief from the impending death of Tressa, tears attempting to rise to the surface. He felt his gut twisting into knots of frustration, his heart beginning to pound with the direness of the situation. He could sense Da'Tavius's desperate need for control, the weight of the burden this man carried as the leader of the First Oder.

Carrying a heavy weight himself, Richard Cypher Rahl, the Seeker of Truth and heir to the throne of D'Hara, knew that profound burden all too well. It lay bare on his soul like an open wound that would never heal no matter how badly he wanted it to. His rage and heritage was like a heavy stone tied so firmly around his heart that he felt as though he were suffocating at times as it attempted to drag him down into the murky depths of insanity and failure.

He could not lose control. He could not let the world down, let his grandfather down, let his friends down…he could never live with letting his wife down. There was no room for failure, no room for the minutest error. The slightest deviation in his anger could send him spiraling into a cyclone of uncontrollable rage that could raze all of Aydindril and beyond. Kahlan would never want him if he lost that grip on his fury. The thought caused an icy chill of dread to suddenly settle over him like a heavy cloak.

And it didn't help that he carried a weapon that fed that rage, nourished and replenished it, filling his soul to overflowing at times so much so that it made it difficult to draw his next breath. It always lingered there just beneath the surface, a palpable thing just waiting to be unleashed when given a sliver of a chance.

Richard knew he could never give that rage an opening. Despite how difficult and emotional it was reading the journal, he knew he had to push on. He had to find the answers he needed before his nightmare became a reality. He silently vowed that if he ever felt that animalistic rage taking over his mind again, he would end his life right then and there before it took him over completely. He would rather die than ever lay a hand on Kahlan or anyone else that he loved.

Swallowing back the terror that had a death-grip on his heart, Richard continued reading.

 _"A life free from emotions is an existence of balance and peace. It is true freedom from the chaos that feelings and emotions can bring to the heart and mind, obscuring judgment and reason…man needs a clear, rational mind in order to bring peace and harmony to the world around him…"_

"What are you reading?"

 _"What has history taught us except that man is evil when ruled by his emotions, his rage, his blood-thirsty craving for revenge and death? It has led to nothing but destruction and pain…"_

"Richard?"

 _"I tell you this, my friend, ultimate control of one's heart is the only answer to life…you must rule your heart before your heart rules you…"_

"Richard?"

Richard flinched at the feel of her gentle touch, startled by the sensation of her fingers stroking up and down his arm. So absorbed by the journal, he had been completely oblivious to Kahlan climbing into bed with him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes…I was just…reading," he murmured, bewildered by the fact that he had been so distracted with his thoughts and the journal again.

When he read Da'Tavius's book, he felt as though he lost all sense of time, the book dragging him into its pages and not willing to release him anytime soon. It was growing harder and harder to pull himself from it, but Kahlan lying naked in bed with him definitely did the trick this time.

"What are you reading?" Kahlan asked as she ran her fingers tenderly along the side of his face, her eyes drinking in his handsome features.

"It's just a journal that a Wizard kept a long time ago."

"Where did you find it?"

"In the Keep," he told her, quickly closing the book and placing it on the bedside table. "I came across it when Zedd, Cara, and I went there to clean up the Crypt of Secrets."

She leaned in, lying on her side and pressing her body closer to his, her lips whispering along his cheek to his ear. Her hand began stroking enticingly along the hardened planes of his chest while her other hand played with the long strands of hair that hung at the nape of his neck. Richard moaned softly, the feel of her nails gently caressing his flesh and stirring the smoldering flames of his desire for her. His eyes fell closed as he gave himself over to her loving touch.

"What's it about?" she murmured softly, her fingers gradually working their way lower and lower, teasing his abdominals and skimming along the top of his sleeping pants.

"A Wizard…he had some theories…Kahlan…" Richard gasped her name, his chest beginning to rise and fall in a rapidly increasing rhythm, her teeth and tongue grazing over the tendon that ran the length of his neck.

"What theories?" Kahlan softly prodded a little further with a smirk, not really interested but definitely enjoying the reaction she was eliciting in him.

His voice was growing huskier, his words becoming raspier. She could feel his heart thumping faster in his chest as his hand began snaking over her back. She loved the way he responded to her, how she was almost instantly able to awaken his need, how immediately distracted he could become by her.

"Theories?" he asked in a strangled voice.

Richard was rapidly losing the ability to form coherent thoughts. At this point, he didn't think he could even remember his own name let alone anything about that book he had been reading as Kahlan began to blaze a trail of hot wet kisses along his collarbone, her hand tugging on the laces of his pants. He was beginning to wonder why he had even put them on before climbing into bed tonight.

He allowed Kahlan to remove the only barrier that separated them from being flesh against flesh. Now free of any obstacles, he quickly flipped her over eliciting a delighted giggle that vibrated from her throat. He loved her laugh. It always created tingles of arousal to shoot up his spine.

Kahlan adored it when he laid on top of her, his body molding with hers and pressing her into the mattress. He always worried that he was smashing her, but she craved it. She felt so safe and loved when his body covered hers.

His lips quickly searched out hers, his tongue requesting entrance to the sweet warmth of her mouth. His tongue began teasing hers, savoring the feel of her soft flesh pressed against his, not sure of where one ended and the other began.

"Are you sure I didn't wear you out today?" she asked with a grin, her words airy and light from the passion of his kiss.

"Never," he whispered against her skin with a soft chuckle, the worries and fears that the journal had churned up within him quickly evaporating in the midst of his fiery need. "Thank you for today, for showing me your favorite place. I absolutely loved every single minute I spent with you," he softly told her as he paused to kiss the tip of her nose and to stare into the striking blue orbs that stirred his soul.

"I love you so much, Richard," she murmured as she reached up to gently brush aside a strand of hair that had fallen across his forehead.

"Forever, my Kahlan," he whispered tenderly upon her lips before surrendering to his deep-seated hunger once more.

XXX

"And where were you all day yesterday?"

By the heated tone of her voice, Richard knew he was in more trouble than he cared to admit. It was going to be most difficult trying to assuage the Mord'Sith from the ire that was obviously burning within her and likely had been from the moment she had discovered that he and Kahlan were gone. He came to a stop and turned to face the assault that he knew was coming.

"I was out with Kahlan all day," he cheerfully told her, a grin spreading across his face as he recalled the intimate details of his day with her. It had been euphoric. He couldn't wait to escape with her again to their private paradise on that mountain.

"You and the Mother Confessor cannot just leave on a whim or whenever you two fancy to sneak away for a private play date," she adamantly declared as she came to stand before the Lord Rahl, her face already set with irritation and exasperation.

"You and Kahlan are highly important people. You two are the ruling authority in this territory and should be in D'Hara if I can ever talk some sense into that thick head of yours. You can't just be traipsing around Aydindril like it's your own private playground. Even though the Keeper has been defeated, there are still people out there who would like to see the two of you dead, namely your brother Darken Rahl who is out there somewhere plotting his return at this very moment..."

"Cara…"

"How can I keep an eye on you when I don't even know where you are? I have sworn to protect the two of you and I can't very well do that if you…"

By now, the Mord'Sith was pacing back and forth before Richard, waving her hands about as she rambled on in frustration. It brought a small smile to the Seeker's face to witness just how much she cared about them. If she didn't, she wouldn't be here now vehemently reprimanding him for leaving without telling her.

"Cara!"

"What?" she suddenly yelled as she came to a stop when she realized Richard had been calling her name.

"We love you too," he told her with a grin.

Taken aback, the only response the Mord'Sith could muster at that point was a frown, her eyebrows narrowed in bewilderment. She had not expected this sort of reaction from her tirade. Eyeing her Lord Rahl, she could tell he was not teasing. He truly meant the words that he had said to her.

"Just make sure you tell me next time when you plan on leaving," she mumbled with a forced scowl, her fire having been totally doused by his heart-felt words.

"I will, Cara," he sighed, knowing that yesterday was likely the last day that he and Kahlan were able to escape unseen. "Have you seen Zedd? I have something I wanted to talk to him about."

"He left yesterday to visit with some old friends. Said he's be back in a couple of days or so," she told him as she began to walk with him. "Anything I can help you with?"

"No," he murmured absentmindedly.

He had wanted to talk to Zedd about Da'Tavius's journal. There were some things that he was having trouble sorting through. There was something about the journal that had captured his attention and was not about to let go. He found himself rereading certain passages, the words rolling over and over in his mind.

He couldn't stop thinking about the diary and the things that Da'Tavius had written. The strange connection he was feeling with this Wizard was growing stronger by the day. He was hoping his grandfather might be able to help shed some light on the journal, who Da'Tavius actually was and what had happened to him.

"Miss Cara, I have some plans I wanted to review with you if you have some time tomorrow," Edmond called, coming around the corner from behind them, his brow furrowed as he scanned the documents in hand.

"You're not running interference for Lord Rahl and the Mother Confessor so they can run off again are you?" Cara asked with suspicion. She already had a funny feeling that Edmond knew more than he was letting on yesterday.

"Why no, Miss Cara!" Edmond replied in mock surprise. "I would never dream of coming between your duty and the safety of Miss Kahlan and Mr. Cypher."

Cara's lips twitched, her eyebrow cocked in suspicion. "I hope not, Ed. I like you. I'd really hate to have to hurt you."

"Wait a minute," Richard abruptly interjected. "I thought that you and Kahlan were meeting all morning to catch up on prisoner transfers?"

"We did that this morning, but its afternoon now," Edmond replied, his brow drawn in confusion. "Kahlan went down to the prison to see the new arrivals that came in the other day and hear their confessions."

"What?" Richard yelled, anger and worry suddenly flooding his soul. "I told Kahlan to not go down there unless I was with her."

"The captain of the prison guards always accompanies the Mother Confessor as she makes her rounds with the prisoners. I assure you that she is quite safe, Mr. Cypher," Edmond attempted to reassure him.

Richard, however, never heard the last part of Edmond's words as he took off for the dungeons in the lower level of the Confessor's Palace. Cara followed closely behind him, confused by his sudden reaction and wanting to be ready in case she was needed to protect them.

"Lord Rahl, what is it?"

Richard felt his anger escalating with every step he took as he raced down the corridor. Kahlan knew that he did not want her down there especially without him to protect her from the detestable beasts she would come in contact with. Kahlan still went down there in spite of his feelings on the matter, completing ignoring what he had said.

Richard found himself clenching his fists and grinding his teeth, the heat of his anger filling every fiber of his being. How could she do this to him? He knew it was her duty as the Mother Confessor to take their confessions and pass judgment, but he was her husband now and there were some things he did not approve of her doing any more.

"Richard!"

"What?" Richard yelled as he skidded to a stop and abruptly spun on Cara.

His chest was heaving, his eyes filled with anger. It caused Cara to pause a moment before speaking again.

"What's wrong? Is Kahlan in danger?"

"Yes, she's in danger! She's in that dungeon with those filthy animals and I'm not there to keep her safe!"

Cara watched in stunned silence as he abruptly turned on his heel and raced down the steps that would lead them to the prisons. She quickly took off after him, her mind sorting through the possible dangers that Kahlan had stumbled upon down there.

She and Edmond had reviewed the prisoners that had arrived the other day. They were accused of the typical crimes. Murder, rape, theft. There was nothing that she was certain Kahlan had not encountered before. Besides, the Mother Confessor was anything but helpless. She was puzzled by Lord Rahl's strange reaction, but decided it was best to stay on guard none the less.

Making their way past the prison gate and down the long winding corridor of the prison, Cara's hands automatically went for her agiels when she heard Kahlan's scream…


	5. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

His anger and fear flared inside of him, intensifying with the sound of Kahlan's scream still ringing in his ears as well as in his heart. Kahlan was in trouble. She needed him. He had told her so and she hadn't believed him, almost scoffing at him. Dread now surged through his veins, mingling with his rising anger as he raced towards the echoing sound of her cry.

Turning the corner, Richard came to an abrupt halt, Cara nearly plowing headlong into him as they stopped at the entrance of a prison cell. A beast of man at least twice the size of the Seeker stood with his back partially turned towards him. With his left hand he had Kahlan pinned by the throat against the stone wall, her feet dangling several inches above the ground. The man's other hand was clenched tightly at his side ready to strike her again, the shackles and chains that had once bound him now hanging futilely around his wrists.

The man was screaming at Kahlan, hatred filling every filthy word that spewed from his mouth. Even from this angle, Richard could clearly see the veins bulging red with fury in his thick neck.

Kahlan was growing paler by the moment, her face still set like that of the powerful Mother Confessor who was in complete control despite the horror of the situation. She was clawing for the man's throat as she attempted to gain command of the situation that had violently exploded out of her control. Blood trickled down her face from a cut on her cheekbone from where the brute had obviously struck her. The captain of the prisoner guards was lying on the ground at Richard's feet, his eyes staring lifelessly up at the Seeker, blood oozing from his head and already matting his hair.

Richard felt his rage suddenly erupted inside of him, almost blinding him with its power. No one touched his wife and lived to draw his next breath. With a low primal growl, Richard drew his sword and raced for the man who was attacking his wife.

Prison guards were flooding the area, swords drawn and ready to save their Mother Confessor. Cara turned immediately and began ordering them back, agiels waving in front her to enforce her orders. They didn't need more guards showing up right now, further enraging the prisoner and endangering Kahlan's life even more.

Kahlan continued to scratch frantically for the man's throat, desperation seeping into her despite her attempts to remain calm. If she didn't do something soon, he would crush her windpipe. Unconsciousness was already wrapping its hazy tendrils around her body, tenaciously attempting to drag her into its helpless depths. If she knew if she gave in, she would die.

With one last effort, Kahlan stretched forward with the last bit of strength she had left in her body, her fingers finally brushing against the thick tendons of her attacker's sweaty neck. And in that briefest of moments, her incredible power was unleashed upon the deranged man, capturing the beast's soul as she felt her body go limp with the expense of her magic.

"Command me, Confess…"

Attempting to keep her eyes open, Kahlan was stunned to see blood begin to trickle from the corner of the man's mouth, his eyes bulging wide in shock. She felt his tight grasp on her throat suddenly grow slack, oxygen immediately filling her lungs. Nausea washed over her as the room continued to spiral around her.

Released from his hold, Kahlan slid down the stone wall, coughing and gasping for much needed air, her eyes never leaving the man who was gurgling blood before her. She immediately noticed the tip of a blade protruding from his chest as he dropped to his knees, Richard suddenly appearing behind him. He was sneering at the dead man, his chest heaving with fury.

Richard looked up from his wife's attacker, his furious gaze suddenly focusing in on Kahlan. The look in his eyes made Kahlan's blood feel like ice trickling through her veins. She hadn't seen a look in his eyes like that since they had been with the Minders.

Kahlan watched as his eyes dark with fury gradually began to soften somewhat as if he somehow recognized her at that moment. Raising his boot, Richard roughly pushed the lifeless body off of his sword, wiping the blade clean on the man's shirt.

He stood for a moment, transfixed by the site of his wife, captivated by her beauty and absorbing her love for him. As he stared at her, the love and fear reflecting in her eyes slowly began to draw him back from that precipice of no return. Sheathing his sword, he stepped over the dead man's body. Reaching out his hand, he pulled his wife up to her feet.

"I had him, Richard. You didn't have to kill him," Kahlan softly choked out, her voice full of frustration. She was furious with herself for losing control of the situation, allowing it to escalate to the dangerous threat that it had become. Besides, she had just confessed the man; there was no need for Richard to kill him.

"Had him? Kahlan, he had you pinned against the wall, crushing your windpipe. I don't think I had much of a choice," he replied through clenched teeth, his voice rising with the heat of his anger with her, resentment even now simmering in his veins despite the worry for her that still pervaded his heart. He felt betrayed by his own wife. She had ignored his wishes and had almost died because of it.

"I confessed him just before you killed him," she quietly said, trying to calm her racing heart. It was not fair to pour her anger with herself out on Richard. It hadn't been his fault. He thought he was saving her.

"Kahlan, what were you thinking?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know very well what I'm talking about. Don't pretend like you don't," he hissed, his anger steadily gaining strength once more. "Besides, what was I supposed to do? Just stand by and let him kill my wife? Why did you come down here without me in the first place?" His hands suddenly gripped her upper arms, his chest beginning to heave again with his spiraling emotions.

"What?" Kahlan whispered in confusion, fear assaulting her mind.

Her head was pounding, her body still trembling uncontrollably. He was angrily glaring at her, his fingers curling tighter around her upper arms. Kahlan's brow furrowed, completely taken aback by his words. It was unlike him to be this upset with her when something like this happened.

"I told you I did not want you coming down here without me with you because I felt it was too dangerous. You came down here anyways, Kahlan. What part of I can't live without you don't you understand?" he snarled, further tightening his grasp on her arms.

Stunned, Kahlan could only stare into the stormy eyes of her husband, the tiny hairs standing up on the back of her neck. Her mind was a whirlwind of confusion, completely stunned by his words, his anger with her. Why was he acting like this? Her own hurt and anger began to bubble up inside of her, quickly seeking release as she returned his steely glare.

"I did wait for you in my office and you never came so I came down here by myself!" she suddenly yelled, jerking her arms free from his painful grip on her.

"What are you talking about?"

"This morning before I left, I told you that I would be going down to the prison after meeting with Edmond. You said you would meet me in my office and go with me. I waited; you never came," she told him, her voice charged with hurt and anger.

Closing his eyes, Richard hung his head, the fire suddenly leaking from his soul, the color draining from his face. This had all been his fault. He suddenly remembered their conversation from this morning. He had been sitting in a chair by the fireplace reading Da'Tavius's journal when Kahlan had left to meet with Edmond. She had told him she was going down to the prison to confess the new arrivals. He had told Kahlan that he would meet her in her office this afternoon and accompany her. He never went.

Kahlan suddenly shoved her way past him and stormed from the room, her own anger and frustration brimming out of control. Lingering fear still clung to her skin like a wet cloak. She felt that if she had handled things differently with the prisoner, it never would have escalated like it had; she wouldn't be having this insane fight with Richard right now.

The feel of that depraved man's hand on her throat, the deadly intent that gleamed wildly in his eyes had rattled her to her core. What she had needed most at that moment was comfort and love from her husband, to feel his arms wrapped protectively around her, letting her know she was safe once more. Instead, she had received his heated anger and accusations, completely blindsiding her by his reaction.

Kahlan glanced at Cara as she strode from the prison cell, her fists clenched tightly at her sides. Cara could tell from the fury in her friend's eyes that now was not a good time to speak to her, to ask if she was alright. She had never heard Richard and Kahlan argue like that before, had never seen her Lord Rahl react like he had. It was so unlike him to be this upset with Kahlan especially over something like this.

"Kahlan, wait!"

Her name ricocheted off the tight quarters of the prison, his voice strangled. Kahlan ignored it as she continued to make her escape. She was not in the mood to discuss things any further with her husband right now. He had no right to yell at her like he had. He was irrational and out of control. They both needed time to cool down.

"Kahlan! Stop!" he loudly demanded.

Cara stepped out of her Lord Rahl's way as he ran out of the room and down the hall. Turning towards the group of prison guards that had amassed, Cara began issuing orders for taking care of the bodies and resuming their duties. Staring into the eyes of the dead captain lying on the floor, she was also going to have to talk to Edmond about naming a new captain of the prison guards.

"Kahlan, please! Stop and talk to me!"

Racing down the corridor, Richard was frantic to reach her, to not lose her. Realization had slammed into the wall of his subconscious, dragging him back to himself once more. He released a sigh of relief when he saw her finally stop, allowing him to catch up to her.

"Kahlan…" he softly said, swallowing back the anguish that had replaced his anger.

Kahlan stood still as stone with her back to him, her arms wrapped protectively around her, holding herself together. Her shoulders were slumped, her head was lowered, her body trembling. Placing his hand lightly on her shoulder, Richard felt his heart crumble when she flinched at his touch.

"Kahlan, I…I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you. Spirits! It was my fault for not being there for you," he softly said, praying that she would forgive him. How had he lost control of his anger again, especially with Kahlan of all people? How had he completely forgotten that he was supposed to meet her? Nothing was making sense anymore.

"Why didn't you come?" she quietly asked, her voice sounding so wounded as she finally turned to face him.

Hot angry tears were falling down her cheeks now, mingling with the blood trickling down her face. Seeing her like this was worse than any dagger to his heart ever could be, especially knowing that he had been the cause of that pain. Her sapphire eyes were so filled with hurt and anger that he found it difficult to even meet her gaze.

"I was reading the journal. I completely lost track of time. I…I'm so sorry, Kahlan," he choked out as a tear leaked from the corner of his eye and slowly trailed down his cheek. He had let her down and he knew it. What was worse was the fact that it had almost cost him her life. "Please forgive me, Kahlan. I had no right to yell at you like that. I just love you more than anything in this world. When I saw you pinned to that wall with that monster's hand on your throat…I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you…"

All the ache and resentment that swarmed in her heart slowly began melting away as she saw the truth of his words mirroring in his eyes, the sorrow and regret so plainly evident on his face. He was visibly shaken by what had happened. She gently placed her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her.

"Richard, it's alright. It was just an accident," she reassured him, her thumbs caressing his cheeks.

"It's not alright, Kahlan! If I hadn't lost track of time reading that damned book, you wouldn't have been hurt!" he angrily said as he gently gripped her wrists this time, pulling her hands from his face and holding them close to his heart. "I failed you and it nearly cost me what I love most!"

"I'm fine, Richard. You can't always be there every second of every day to protect me."

"I just want to keep you safe. You have to grow old with me, Kahlan. I won't have it any other way; I won't accept anything less from you," he weakly smiled as he pulled her into his arms.

"The same goes for you too, you know," she murmured against his shoulder.

The feel of her safe in his arms began to tame the lingering anger that still rumbled deep down inside of him as he sheltered her in the protective warmth of his love. He felt a sense of peace wash through him as he held her. Kahlan always had a way of making everything in his world alright again.

"Come; let me get you fixed up. I think you've had enough confessions for one day."

Clutching her hand, he led his wife out of the prison, thankful that she was safe once more, but worry was still coursing through his mind. Why had he gotten so angry with her? He had never been this angry with her before. What had triggered it?

The only thing that had pulled him back from the death-grip of blinding rage had been the site of her sitting on the floor before him, injured and trembling, not to mention the fact that he had been the one who had failed her. He was more desperate now than ever to find the answers he needed in that journal.

XXX

Standing with his arms crossed against his bare chest, Richard stood staring absentmindedly out of the balcony doors into the thick blackness of the night. He suddenly closed his eyes against the rush of heated tears that unexpectedly pooled there. He had almost lost the most precious thing in his life today and it had been his fault. He had become so completely absorbed by the journal that he had forgotten about the conversation he'd had with Kahlan this morning, losing all sense of time. She had not betrayed him; he had betrayed her and it made him nauseous.

Opening his eyes, he saw the horrifying events of the afternoon that kept flashing before him, torturing him with the lack of control he'd had over his emotions. Da'Tavius had been right. Man is evil when ruled by his emotions. He had proven that theory to be true today with Kahlan.

How could he have gotten so upset with her? Yelled at her like that? Grabbed her so roughly? He had to find the answers to tame the beast that lived and breathed within him, prowling just beneath the surface ready to be unleashed at any given moment. He felt as if he were rapidly losing control. For some reason, the war was growing stronger by the day, not weaker. He was losing his soul to something within him, something he could not explain.

Richard shivered slightly at the unexpected feel of hands snaking their way around his abdomen, fingers tracing so invitingly over his skin. His eyes slid closed once more as he felt her warm lips suddenly caress him, her hair tickling along his back.

Spirits, he loved this woman so much it hurt sometimes. She gave his heart a reason to beat. He knew he wouldn't be able to survive apart from her. He had to get a grip on his rage before he lost her forever.

"What are you thinking about?" she murmured softly against his flesh, her tongue sneaking out to taste him. She felt him shiver again beneath her touch, bringing a smile to her lips.

"You…how much I love you. How terrified I was that I was going to lose you today," he grimly replied, the heaviness that infused his heart evident in his words as he turned in her arms to face her. "Are you sure that you're alright?"

"I'm fine, Richard, really," she attempted to reassure him.

His eyes roamed over the bruises that marred her slender neck, the gash on her cheek. He lightly pressed his lips against her forehead before pulling back and staring into her eyes. Reaching out his hand, he lightly ran the pad of his thumb along the cut on her cheek.

Kahlan had adamantly refused to have a healer brought in, insisting that she was fine, but deep down he knew that she just didn't want to make a bigger deal of it than it was for his sake. Despite Richard's fears, he had relented to let it go, refusing to argue with her anymore.

Richard tenderly wrapped his arms around her, drawing her to him and holding her close. He felt his chest tighten with anguish, knowing that he had been seconds away from losing the one that held his heart. He just couldn't shake the powerful emotions that were relentlessly seizing control of him. Tears stung his eyes as he buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent that made his head spin.

Her sweet breath warmed his skin as she tenderly caressed his face with her cheek, his need to be with her steadily rising. Her fingers were drawing soothing circles on the perfectly formed muscles of his back causing chills of desire to course through his body.

Kahlan could feel him beginning to relax as he melted into her intimate embrace. She worked her way to that sensitive spot behind his ear; the spot that she knew drove him wild with desire when she teased it with her lips and tongue. As much as she was savoring the security that she felt in his arms, she needed more. She needed him…all of him.

Desperate need to show her how much he truly loved her swiftly shoved aside the tempest of emotions that tormented Richard's heart. Kahlan was the calm in the midst of his storm. He knew that her love would once more save him tonight.


	6. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

"Miss Cara!"

Turning at the sound of Edmond's voice, Cara paused long enough to allow him to catch up to her. The look of horror on his face caused a sense of panic to instantly flare inside of her. There had been enough chaos for one day.

"How is Kahlan? Is she really alright?" Edmond asked, breathing heavily as he finally caught up to the Mord'Sith. "I was out this afternoon and just returned. Aggie told me about what had happened. Thank the Spirits you and Mr. Cypher were on your way down there when it happened."

Cara watched the little man as he visibly shuddered at the thought. They had come close to losing the Mother Confessor this afternoon, closer than anyone cared to think about.

"I think we need to set up new procedures for when the Mother Confessor is down in the prisons taking confessions," Cara huffed with disdain. It had even unnerved her somewhat though she was hesitant to admit it. If that monster had crushed Kahlan's windpipe, even the breath of life wouldn't have been able to save her.

"We've never had anything close to this happen before. No one has ever dared to attack the Mother Confessor especially with the captain of the prison guards accompanying her. It is futile," Edmond nervously rambled on, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket to dap the drops of sweat that beaded his brow.

Cara felt sorry for Edmond. This whole incident had obviously sent the poor man spiraling into quite a tizzy. "You mean no one has ever attempted to escape confession by the Mother Confessor?"

"No, never," Edmond insisted horrified at the very thought, his wiry eyebrows raised in surprise that it should have even been considered a possibility. "Everyone understands the authority of the Mother Confessor, the magnificent power that she possesses. Everyone fears it so, knows how pointless it is try to escape. Besides, there are guards roaming everywhere down there."

"Well, this man obviously did not understand and he definitely didn't appear too afraid of Kahlan when he had her helplessly pinned against the wall," Cara curtly replied with a scowl as she turned to leave.

Memories of the rage that the attack on Kahlan had incited in Lord Rahl still caused a shiver to course down Cara's spine. The anger that had continued to dance in his eyes even after he had sheathed the Sword of Truth had confused her. He had never treated Kahlan the way he treated her this afternoon, yelling at her, grabbing her, blaming her. Something about the way he reacted still did not sit well with her, tickling the back of her mind, telling her to stay on guard.

"I would appreciate any suggestions you might have to offer, Miss Cara. If you have time tomorrow, I would be most pleased to review any improvements we can make. This must never happen again."

"I agree. This can never happen again or I assure Lord Rahl will have someone's head with that nasty sword of his," Cara replied over her shoulder as she continued to make her way to her suite.

Cara's words caused Edmond to blanch, knowing there was more truth to her statement than he wanted to admit. Richard would be most inconsolable if anything happened to Kahlan. Nervously chattering to himself, Edmond began to make his way back to his office. It was going to be a long night of reviewing protocols and procedures.

Cara's mind continued to replay the events that took place in the prison, the rage that had seethed in her Lord Rahl's veins. It had not been since their time with the Minders since she had seen anything close to it reflected in his eyes and never directed at Kahlan except for when he had raised his sword to her when they had come to stop him. Something was triggering that rage that resided inside of him.

Richard would never have spoken to Kahlan like he had this afternoon if he had been in his right frame of mind, would never have grabbed her. He was suspicious, accusatory, and on edge. Something was also different about the rage this time, something that Cara couldn't quite put her finger on. Richard had somehow been able to pull it back again, gaining control over it for some reason. It wasn't as all-consuming as it had been before…at least not yet.

Coming to a stop outside of her room, Cara abruptly smirked as the muted sounds of passion floated from the suite across the hall from her. Kahlan had obviously forgiven Lord Rahl for the way he had reacted this afternoon. And it sounded as if Lord Rahl was more than making it up to her.

XXX

Finishing the laces of her Confessor's dress, Kahlan checked her appearance once more in the mirror before preparing to leave her suite to fulfill her duties as the Mother Confessor. Walking past the bed, she smiled to herself as she lightly ran her fingers over the satin sheets, momentarily recalling the heated passion they had shared together.

The fierce love that Richard had shown her last night caused warmth to swim in the pit of her stomach before rising to her cheeks. It had been beautiful and so intense. Richard had been desperate for her to feel again just how deeply he loved her, how much he needed her. The combined release that had rippled over them was a rapturous dance that she was anxious to experience again.

Kahlan secretly hoped that they had created a baby last night, his seed becoming one within her, taking root in her womb. The thought caused her pulse to quicken. It was rumored that a Confessor could tell when she was with child. Closing her eyes and focusing her thoughts, she gently ran her hands over her abdomen, anxious to feel that tiny spark of life developing within her.

After several moments, Kahlan sighed in disappointed resignation, unable to detect anything. Perhaps it was just too early yet. It had only been a few hours since he had made love to her. Besides, there was plenty of time to start a family she reminded herself.

Looking up from her belly, Kahlan's eyes fell upon the book lying on the bedside table. It was the journal that Richard had been reading, the book that he had been so obsessed with lately. She began to wonder what was so fascinating about that book that it would cause Richard to forget to meet her yesterday.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, Kahlan picked up the tattered-looking diary. There didn't appear to be anything particularly special about it. It was rather plain looking; black and lined in gold with a small golden latch on the side. She wondered what had drawn Richard to the book in the first place.

Noticing the latch was unlocked, Kahlan carefully laid the book in her lap and opened it. On the inside cover was written, "Da'Tavius, Wizard of the First Order". She was surprised as she flipped through to find that the rest of the pages were completely blank. Her brow furrowed in puzzlement as she continued to turn page after page, finding not so much as a word or blot of ink anywhere within its cover.

Closing the book, she thoughtfully ran her fingers over the cover, pondering what it all could mean. Was it magically spelled? Something that only Richard was able to read? If so, how was he able to read it, but she could not?

Kahlan was startled from her thoughts when she felt the bed softly shift beside her. She looked up to find herself staring into the dark chocolate eyes that roused her very soul. His hair was wet and sticking out wildly from running a towel over it, a seductive smile playing on his lips.

"What are you doing?" he lightly asked, his eyes still smoldering with the same desire that had been blazing brightly there last night when he made her his once more.

"I was just wondering what you were reading," she replied, somewhat embarrassed that she had been caught snooping through his things.

Despite having forgiven him after what had happened, she was still concerned about his behavior yesterday. It had been a complete contrast to the man that she loved with her whole being. She was beginning to wonder if it didn't have something to do with this Wizard's journal that he had been preoccupied with.

Leaning in, Richard began to nibble softly on her earlobe, unable to resist tasting her again. His tongue snuck out, tracing the gentle bend of her ear, relishing in what was uniquely his Kahlan. Last night had been unbelievable. He couldn't wait to make love to her again. It was a hunger that would never cease, a sweet desire that never died. As he kissed his way along her jaw, he began to wonder if she was carrying their child yet.

Kahlan parted her lips, a soft moan escaping. She knew that she should put a stop to this before she couldn't. She was rapidly hurtling towards that point of no return and she was certain Richard was almost there by the way he was kissing her, enticing her to stay with him.

"Richard," she gasped, her breath already beginning to come out in exerted pulls. Unable to resist any longer, Kahlan turned, dipping her head to greet his mouth.

Richard's hand immediately found the side of her face, his thumb softly caressing the cut on her cheekbone. Thrusting his tongue into the warm wetness of her mouth, his other hand began gliding along the tops of her breasts as he played with the laces of her dress.

"Richard…I really have to go…"

Releasing a frustrated sigh, Richard closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he attempted to rein in the fiery arousal already pounding through his veins. "How about lunch under our favorite tree in the private Confessor's Garden?"

"You have yourself a date, Mr. Cypher."

"I'll bring the blanket and the food. You just come prepared to be devoured," he teased in a low husky voice.

"Maybe I'll only be hungry for you," she purred as she pressed her lips to his, eliciting a throaty growl.

"Have I told you how incredibly beautiful you are?" he murmured against her mouth, his tongue slipping out to tease her lips.

Pressing her forehead to his, Kahlan smiled shyly, a blush rising to her cheeks once more. "Richard…" she softly scoffed.

"No, Kahlan, I mean it," he adamantly declared as he stared into the blue depths of her eyes, reaching out to brush her hair from her forehead. "You actually take my breath away," he whispered, leaning in to brush his lips against hers. "Especially when we make love and your eyes turn black as night. It's just so beautiful to behold. I'm so happy you decided to fall in love me because I'm madly in love with you."

"I am too," she murmured against his lips as she reluctantly pulled herself out of his grasp to stand to her feet, the forgotten journal falling to the floor. Bending down, she picked up the book and handed it back to him, relief washing over her that her husband seemed more like himself again.

"I love you, my Richard," she said, leaning in and pressing her lips to his forehead.

"Forever, Kahlan…never forget that."

XXX

Sunlight glinted brightly in the morning sky, trying its best to lift the Seeker's spirits, but the beauty of the day was having little influence on his brooding disposition. Although last night with Kahlan had been amazing and had brought him a measure of peace, he was still filled with turmoil over the overwhelming storm building within him. His mind was too consumed with unanswered questions, his heart filled with fear. He had to harness in his emotions before he destroyed what he loved most.

Richard had decided last night as he fell asleep with Kahlan in his arms that he was going to have to return to the Wizard's Keep if he was going to find the answers he was so anxiously seeking. There was something about Da'Tavius's journal that made sense and at the same time was stirring more conflict up within him. It was almost as if the journal itself was connecting to his very soul, awakening his emotions instead of reining them in.

As he approached the stables, Richard took in the breathtaking view that spread out before him. Past the stables was a ridge with a rocky drop off. Kahlan had told him that the stables were built out here before the cliff came into existence. An earthquake had erupted and a piece of the mountain had split off, creating a drop off a short distance from the other side of the stables. The view was so amazing that they had decided to leave the stables where they were.

Coming to stand on the outcropping of rocks, Richard softly kicked at the loose dirt and rocks with the toe of his boot. Gazing over the ledge, he stared at the rocks below, the patches of green grass and flowers that had sporadically sprung up in the least likely of spots. He was growing to love it so much here, mostly because of Kahlan, but also because of how beautiful it was, how much it reminded him of home. He had to find a way to fight this war going on inside of him before he lost everything that mattered to him.

Attempting to shake off the dread that was seeping into his bones, Richard made his way through the stables, finding the horse that Kahlan had given to him. The magnificent steed, black as coal, began stamping its hooves at the site of his owner, whinnying loudly in excited greeting.

"Hi there, boy," Richard greeted with a smile, his hand pulling a carrot from his pocket. "Have you missed me?"

The horse greedily took the offered gift, munching softly as Richard ran his hand through his mane, pausing to scratch his ears. The horse's eyes seemed to gleam with excitement at the prospect of being set free to run, delighting in the attention he was receiving.

His eyes drifting past his horse, the Seeker's gaze settled on Kahlan's mare Marley in the stall next to Asa's. He drew a deep breath, his resolve solidifying like steel as indestructible as his sword with what he knew he had to do. He couldn't lose Kahlan. They had finally found true happiness. They had a family to start, a future to build together and he was not going to destroy that future for anything.

Richard nuzzled his nose against the head of his horse, momentarily closing his eyes. "Something's going on inside of me, Asa. We have to find out what it is before it's too late," he softly said, his voice quivering with the weight of his emotions.

Riding from the stables up the path, Richard's eyes settled on the foreboding Wizard's Keep towering behind the Confessor's Palace. He hoped that he could find a way to cage the animal before it grew any further beyond his control.

Richard knew he should have talked to Kahlan about what he'd been struggling with last night or this morning when she had asked about the journal. He could see the concern for him that reflected in her beautiful blue eyes. He just couldn't bring himself to tell her, to cause her more worry.

He needed to handle this on his own. If Kahlan knew, she would do everything in her power to help him and he couldn't allow her to do that. He couldn't let her get too close to him while he tried to find a way to tame the vile rage that he had inherited. He couldn't risk losing her by his own hand.

The thought alone made bile rise up in the back of his throat. He was still having trouble dealing with what had happened yesterday. What if he hadn't been able to regain control? What if he had hurt her more than he already had? He could still scarcely believe that he had grabbed her so roughly, yelled at her like he had. Tears burned in his eyes at the searing memory. He never would have dreamed that he would have been capable of treating his Kahlan like that, the woman he had given his everything to.

He was just relieved that Cara had allowed him to go to the Keep by himself today. Initially, she had been very steadfast in her determination to go with him, but Richard had insisted that she stay behind and protect Kahlan. He knew that his wife was determined to go back down to the prison to finish confessing the new arrivals and he was not about to let her go there alone again. He wanted Cara to go with her this time to keep her safe.

After what had happened yesterday, Richard was afraid to put himself in any situation that might cause him to lose control again especially with Kahlan present. He couldn't risk her life, no matter how innocent the situation might seem. No matter how deeply it hurt, he was going to have to limit his time with her until he gained control in order to keep her safe.

Stopping in front of the Keep, Richard dismounted his horse, tying Asa to a nearby tree. Standing before the massive doors, he attempted to clear his mind as he focused on the words that he had heard Zedd chant that magically unlocked the Keep. Reciting the ancient words, Richard was relieved when the doors began to rumble and groan on their hinges, slowly opening for the Seeker and welcoming him into its ancient walls.

Richard cautiously entered, not really sure where he was going or where he should start. The halls were hazily lit by the morning sunlight that softly filtered through the windows. Grabbing a torch, he watched as it magically burst into flames. Walking down the main corridor, the only sound he heard was the steady thumping of his heart, the echoing of his boots as he made his way through the Keep.

The heavy musty smell of old books and artifacts locked away and long forgotten assaulted his nostrils. Cobwebs dangled everywhere the light from his torch touched, a thick layer of dust coating everything within its reach. He knew in the end they would have much more to clean than just the Crypt of Secrets when all was said and done. He was anxious to restore the old Keep back to its previous glory.

He didn't think that he'd be able to get down to the Crypt of Secrets without Zedd to help him pass through the deadly boundaries. Not knowing what else to do, he quickly made his way to the library that had been his sanctuary when had been frantically searching for Kahlan.

Entering the central library on the main floor, Richard stood for a moment, his eyes wandering over the numerous shelves of books staring back at him. He knew they held the answers that he needed, answers to more than just his need to bind the rage storming within. While this place was somewhat intimidating, he also felt an overwhelming sense of peace here. It was a feeling akin to coming home.

Wandering over to the table, Richard pulled Da'Tavius's journal from his vest pocket. Laying it on the table, he crouched down, pulling the chair back. He smiled softly at the site of his initials imbedded forever into the wooden table right next to Kahlan's. He thoughtfully ran his fingertips over the letters, once again relishing in the fact that they were not just one heart or soul, but were now one body as well. He was hers and she was his...forever. And he was more determined than ever to make sure it stayed that way.


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Despite the piles of papers that littered her desk and the amount of work that lay before her, Kahlan found it difficult to focus on any of it. Holding the most recent report detailing the upcoming deliberations that needed to be heard and decided upon, she found her thoughts drifting back to the events from earlier that morning and the book Richard had been reading.

There was something about that journal that made her feel very uneasy. How was Richard able to read a book that was filled with nothing by blank pages? Who was this Da'Tavius and what had he written about that had so captured her husband's attention?

She had hoped that Richard would've offered some sort of information when he caught her looking through the book, but the feel of his lips on her skin had quickly distracted her attention away from learning any information.

Kahlan suddenly found herself smiling. Richard always had a way of turning her head and her heart. He was just so incredibly handsome, the feel of his defined body pressing against hers always setting her on fire. Those brown eyes and that charming smile of his made it difficult to remember how to breathe at times. And then when he touched her…oh Spirits, his touch…

"Kahlan?"

Startled from her passionate thoughts, Kahlan looked up to find Cara standing in her doorway, a knowing smirk upon her lips. "Ca-Cara," she stammered, embarrassed about where her thoughts had drifted. "What are you doing here?"

"Lord Rahl instructed me to accompany you down to the prison this morning. He knew that you'd insist on going back down there and he wanted me to go with you to make sure you stayed out of trouble."

Releasing a sigh, Kahlan felt her insides warming with the love she held for him. He was always so concerned about her, putting her wellbeing before all else.

"It's probably not necessary. I'm positive rumors of the Seeker's slaying of a prisoner who attacked the Mother Confessor have swept through the dungeons by now. I'm sure that no one will be trying anything like that again," she replied with a frown. She was loathe to admit it but the incident had unnerved her somewhat, but it was not going to keep her out of the dungeons or from doing her duty as Mother Confessor.

"Well, I was practically ordered that absolutely under no circumstances was I to allow you to go without me. I personally like my head where it is so I'm afraid you're stuck with me," she informed her, crossing her arms with resolve.

"Actually, I would love the company," Kahlan finally admitted as she stood from her chair. "I've been anxious to talk to you about how you're adjusting to life in Aydindril. I truly hope that you're happy here, Cara."

"It's nice here and everyone has been very kind. I've been assisting Edmond with matters of security. There are going to be some radical changes in the prison for starters," she scowled with revulsion.

Casting a sidelong glance at her leather-clad friend, Kahlan could tell that the Mord'Sith was holding something back. Her brow was creased, a distant look in her eye as they made their way to the prison.

"But…" Kahlan prodded, sensing something more. "You miss D'Hara don't you?"

"Actually, not really. Lord Rahl, Zedd, you…you're my family now. My home is wherever you are," Cara softly admitted after much thought. She couldn't believe that she had just opened up like that, pouring her guts out. She readily decided it was Lord Rahl's fault. He was making her soft.

"I'm so glad you feel that way, Cara, because we feel you're part of our family as well," Kahlan replied, touched by the Mord'Sith's admission.

"I do think that Lord Rahl needs to return to D'Hara, though," Cara ventured, not wanting to upset her friend, but feeling the need to tell her. "Richard is not only the Seeker, but he is the true Lord Rahl. He needs to return to D'Hara and claim his throne before Darken Rahl takes it back."

"I know," Kahlan finally murmured, the feeling of her heart constricting in her chest almost strangling the breath from her lungs.

Deep down, she knew that D'Hara would have to be addressed. They couldn't sit idly by and watch it fall under the depraved rule of Darken Rahl again. Her throat began to burn with the tears that begged for release, but the Mother Confessor swallowed them back, knowing that she couldn't be allowed the luxury of falling apart right now. Kahlan knew she had to be strong for Richard. He would depend on her to help him make the difficult choice to leave her and go to D'Hara.

Cara could feel sorrow overwhelming her friend as they walked in silence. She knew it would be terribly difficult for them, but she also knew them to be the most honorable, self-sacrificing people she had ever known. She knew that they would never be able to stand by for long and watch tyranny take over D'Hara again.

The sadness that suddenly enveloped them was palpable as they descended into the bowels of the Confessor's Palace, leaving behind them the sunlight that had lit up the hallways. Cara decided it best to change the subject for now.

"Are you sure you're recovered enough from yesterday to be back down here?" she asked, her gaze taking in the bruises that still lined the Mother Confessor's throat, the cut that still marred her cheek. She knew that Kahlan had refused having a healer brought in because of Lord Rahl. She hadn't wanted to cause him any more guilt than he already felt.

"I'm fine," she replied, brushing off Cara's concern, her mind still trying to wrap itself around the concept of Richard leaving her so soon after being wed. They hadn't even talked about starting a family yet. They couldn't very well create a family with Richard in D'Hara and she certainly didn't want to be carrying his child with him so far away. How would she be able to cope without him here with her? Her mother wasn't even here to rely on, to ask questions and Dennee was away on a diplomatic mission that could take several weeks at the very least to complete.

"What exactly happened yesterday with that prisoner?"

"Captain Zahn and I went into his prison cell so I could take his confession. I asked him to confess his crimes or risk being confessed by me. I reminded him that I could tell if he was speaking the truth or not. He suddenly became enraged, his eyes…they were wild with fury," Kahlan told her, fear flashing through her eyes. "He began heaving and shaking. Captain Zahn pulled his sword and moved to stand in front of me, but that just infuriated Barak all the more.

"Barak…that was his name. He had been brought in a few days ago, charged with the rape and murder of a barmaid. The girl had been brutally raped and beaten almost beyond recognition, her broken body discarded like useless trash in an alley. It was all so senseless."

Kahlan drew a shaky breath before continuing. "I don't know what went wrong, Cara. Barak was like a caged animal, stalking about the cell looking for escape. I've never seen a prisoner react quite like that. It was like he was possessed or something. He suddenly charged Captain Zahn then, smashing his skull in before Zahn even had a chance to react.

It just all happened so fast. The next thing I knew, Barak had broken the iron shackles that had bound his wrists…had actually ripped them apart as if they had been made of paper. I lunged for him, tried to confess him, but he struck me with his fist, knocking me to the ground. Before I knew what was happening, he lifted me up, pinning me up against the wall, his hand around my throat. I tried to fight him, tried to confess him again, but he was so strong and he was cutting off my air.

My fingers finally scraped against his neck and I released my power into him. Richard ran him through his sword just as I had confessed him. If I had been able to confess him sooner, Richard would have never killed him…wouldn't have gotten so upset with me," Kahlan bleakly replied, regret permeating her voice.

"Is Lord Rahl alright after what happened yesterday?"

"Why? What do you mean?" Kahlan anxiously asked, coming to an abrupt stop, concern immediately flooding her face. "Do you think that there's something wrong with him?"

"Well, I just thought that the way that Lord Rahl reacted to what happened yesterday was unusual for him. I've been with the two of you long enough to know that he would never have grabbed you like he did nor would he have yelled at you if there wasn't something more going on with him.

He is so head over heels in love that he was willing to give up everything, everything to stay with you before he even knew that he could make love to you without your powers affecting him. He treats you like the most precious thing ever to be created. It was just so out of character for him to treat you like that."

"I know," Kahlan softly said with a heavy heart, hoping that the unsettling feeling that she'd been having had been wrong. "I thought so too. In the two years that I've known Richard, he has never come close to treating me like that before. He's always treated me with the utmost respect and care. I had hoped that he had just been upset by what had almost happened, but I fear there's something more going on."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," she admitted with a sigh. "The only thing I can think of is that he's been reading some journal that a Wizard had written years ago. He said he found it in the Keep. When I looked at it this morning, all the pages were blank."

"What do you think that means?" Cara asked with a scowl. She definitely didn't like the sound of that. Magic always made her uneasy.

"I'm not sure. When did you say that Zedd would be returning?"

"Tomorrow, I think. He didn't really give a definitive time. He just thought he'd be gone for two or three days, but you know Zedd. If his friends have good food, we might not see him till next year."

Kahlan chuckled softly at the thought. Truer words had never been spoken. "Well, hopefully Zedd will be able to shed more light on things when he returns," she said as she resumed her journey to the prisoners. "By the way, where is Richard? I thought for sure he'd be bent on coming down here with me."

"He went to the Wizard's Keep. Said he had something he wanted to look for there."

"I wonder what he's up to," Kahlan murmured more to herself than to Cara, concern for her husband stinging her heart.

XXX

Rubbing his hands over his face, Richard plopped dejectedly into the chair at the table. His eyes roamed over the stacks of books that he's accumulated that spread out before him, none of them really providing anything that was useful to him. He's searched for hours without success for any information that would help him figure out who Da'Tavius was or finding anything else that the Wizard had written.

Raking his hand back through his hair, he released a haggard breath. Frustration and anger was mounting by the moment as he slumped back in his chair. The longer he went without finding the answers he needed, the more desperate he found himself becoming.

He was losing himself to something he could not even see, could not fight. Anxiety and fear had become his constant companion over the last several days. If it hadn't been for Kahlan, he was certain he would have lost his mind by now, succumbing to the swirling eddy that resided inside of him. She was the only thing keeping him grounded.

At times, Richard hadn't even recognized that his behavior had been anything but normal until he saw the moments of concern and fright reflecting in Kahlan's eyes. Then suddenly it was as if he was awakening from some unconscious state he hadn't even realized he was living in, bringing him back to himself once more.

Tears collected in the corners of his eyes, fear welling up from that bottomless pit of despair he kept finding himself in but kept hidden from everyone. He had finally married the woman who had won his heart from the moment he saw her and now something inside of him was bent on destroying that happiness. His chest grew tight, his vision blurring with the tears that pooled in his eyes. He could not lose her because of who he was, whose blood pumped through his veins and in his body.

Why did he have to be born a Rahl? Why couldn't he just be the son of George and Mary Cypher? Why couldn't he just be Richard Cypher, Seeker of Truth and husband to the Mother Confessor? Thoughts of D'Hara and the turmoil he knew in his heart that was brewing there with his brother Darken Rahl roaming free like a slippery eel, plotting to take back his throne began to twist and tighten like a deadly snake threatening to steal his sanity. He knew he was going to have to do something soon about D'Hara whether he liked it or not, whether he wanted to accept it or ignore it.

As long as Darken Rahl lived and breathed, D'Hara would not be safe, his Kahlan would not be safe. Why was so much being asked of him and Kahlan? He knew that he could not ask Kahlan to go with him to D'Hara. He'd already asked so much of her, keeping her from her duties in Aydindril for far too long. She was needed here. It was a difficult journey he would have to make alone.

But she was his life. How could he survive leaving her behind, being so far away from her for Spirits knew how long? He knew that even if he did beat his brother to the throne, it would take months to put D'Hara back in order. And it wasn't even a throne or a title that he wanted to possess. He was no Lord Rahl, no ruler or king. He was just a woods guide from…Hartland…

The desperate urge to just whisk Kahlan away from Aydindril and escape to Westland began rising in the midst of the conflict swirling in his mind. If they left soon, they could be in Westland before the first snowfall. A sad smile broke through the tears leaking down his face. He would build her a beautiful home high in the mountains of Westland, tucked away in the woods where no one would ever be able to find them.

No one would be able to force them to take the weight and responsibilities of the world upon them anymore. There would be no more reason to fear the rage that lived within him. He and Kahlan would be safely hidden away in the mountains and forests of Westland. There would be no more threat to them, nothing to awaken that fury.

The sorrow that had gripped him suddenly began shifting, morphing into mounting anger. Zedd would never allow them to leave and live their lives alone and in peace. He had been the one to name him Seeker of Truth, had placed this burden upon him. Richard also knew that he'd never be able to convince Kahlan to leave. He knew that she would want to, but her sense of duty and responsibility as well as the burden of being one of the last two living Confessors would keep her chained to Aydindril for the rest of their lives.

Suddenly looking down, Richard found his hands curled tightly into fists, his nails biting into his skin, his chest heaving with the anger sluicing over him. Richard abruptly stood to his feet, his chair noisily falling backwards onto the stone floor. Hadn't he given his all for everyone else? Risked his life in order to preserve life? Why couldn't he be allowed now to live the life he had always dreamed of sharing with Kahlan?

In a fit of rage, Richard slammed his fists onto the table before sending the books hurtling onto the floor, a violent scream erupting from his lungs and echoing throughout the library. Holding his head in hands, he fell to his knees, sobs racking his body. His own sense of duty and love of life was warring against his tormented thoughts. There had to be a solution, peace between what he desired most and the duty he was bound to. There had to be a balance between the inherited rage of his ancestry and the magical rage of his sword that was joined with his soul.

Drawing a shuddering breath, Richard swallowed back his despair and wiped the tears from his face. Staring at Da'Tavius's journal for several moments, Richard slowly stood to his feet. Picking up his chair, he sat down and pulled the book to him, opening its worn pages to begin again where he had left off.

 _"I have finally achieved what I sought so long ago to do. I can scarcely believe that my quest is almost over. I have created the ultimate piece of magic that will enable a person to have total control over their heart…"_

Richard read and reread the words, disbelief sweeping over him. Here it finally was, what he had been looking for. He finally found the answer to his problems. He turned the page, his fingers trembling with anticipation.

 _"Storna…Tiakna…Abidini…"_

Richard's eyes narrowed as he studied the unfamiliar words before him. The page was blank save for the three unusual words staring back at him. Pronouncing the words aloud, Richard felt a strange sharp sensation pierce his soul, threatening to take his breath away. It intensified in his heart and seeped throughout his entire body. A sense of realization and hardened resolve saturated his mind. He felt his muscles begin to relax with the strange awareness surging through him, his breathing finally evening out.

Closing the book, he slowly stood to his feet. He knew what he had to do, that he would not be denied this. This was his life and he was going to see to it that he and Kahlan lived it the way they wanted to.


	8. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Marching down the corridor, Kahlan was anything but happy. Her eyes were dark and flaming with irritation and frustration, her hands clenched tightly at her sides. She had excitedly made her way out to the Confessor's Garden this afternoon to meet Richard for lunch except that he wasn't there. She had waited all alone for a couple of hours before finally giving up when he didn't show.

Kahlan had returned to her office, her anger simmering the rest of the afternoon while she attempted to get her work done. She had worked late into the evening, missing dinner with him because she had been so mad at him, but she knew she couldn't avoid him all night. Something was definitely going on and she was going to find out exactly what that was. She was not going to be deterred by his tempting kisses or his touch this time.

Her anger was battling with her worry over him as she finally entered their suite, coming to an abrupt stop when she found him sitting in the chair by the fireplace again, his leg dangling lazily over the arm of the chair. She stared in bewilderment as she watched him reading, not even realizing that she had entered their room.

"Richard?" she finally called, stunned by his casual manner.

Looking up, Richard stared at her for a moment before abruptly closing the book and jumping to his feet. Anger practically glowed in his eyes as he strode towards her. "Where have you been?"

His voice was low and gravely, dangerous and yet so very seductive in its tone. It sent a chill shivering through her body as he came to a stop right before her. His stare was dark and penetrating, his brow narrowed with the heat of his emotions. The air in the room became very thick with tension, his breath coming out in angry puffs warming her face.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play coy with me, Kahlan," he irately replied.

Despite Richard only being a couple of inches taller than her, her husband suddenly seemed to loom larger than life before her, a mix of anger and desire shrouding his face as he glared down upon her. Her mouth went dry, her mind a firestorm of emotions. She felt her heart hammering in her chest as she stared into the eyes that were now wild with desire as well as something more that she couldn't identify.

Kahlan was completely stunned by his accusatory tone. "Richard, what's wrong with you?"

"It's late, Kahlan. Where have you been? Who were you with?"

"Who was I with? I was working alone in my office," she heatedly replied, shock giving way to the anger now thrumming through her body as she glared back at him. How could he accuse her of being with someone else when he was the one who kept forgetting to meet her? If he wanted a fight, she was more than willingly to do battle. Something was going on and she wanted answers…now.

"Who is it? Have you confessed him? Does he kiss you the way I kiss you?" he breathed, leaning in close, his lips hovering so enticingly just above hers, causing a flutter to erupt in her stomach. "Does he make you feel the way I make you feel?"

Richard abruptly crushed his lips against hers before she could respond, swiftly forcing her back against the wall behind her. He pressed his body against hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as he deepened the kiss, taking her breath away. Ignoring the need for air, he continued to kiss her, his hands forcefully gripping and tugging her hair.

Kahlan was taken aback by his words, by the intensity of his passion as he pinned her body helplessly against the wall. His heated aggression was driving her desire for him as she buried her hands in his hair and yet she knew that something was not right. Her mind was spinning with want, her body humming with a fiery need that demanded the sweet release that only he could bring her. She needed to stop this, to find out what was wrong with him, but she couldn't make her mind work with his lips moving so frantically over hers.

Her anger with him was only stirring her overwhelming desire as she nipped at his bottom lip causing him to growl in response. He thrust his hips into hers, his arousal pressing into her causing a breathy moan to escape her lips as he nipped his way down her throat. His teeth raked against the sensitive skin as his hand tugged frantically at the neckline of her dress, desperate to expose more of her delicious flesh.

Kahlan's head tilted back against the wall, her chest heaving now with longing. His hands moved roughly over her thighs, working her skirt higher and higher. She lifted a leg, hooking it around his waist and pulling him unbelievably closer as she began grinding against him. Spirits, he was driving her insane with the intensity of his passion. He'd never been like this with her before, so forceful and frantic.

It was always intense with Richard, always passionate and amazing, but this was different. There was something more primal, somehow feral like he was desperate to quell some all-consuming thing deep within him, trying to crawl inside of her love and hide from some threat that only she could save him from.

His hand began groping her breast as his other hand slid further up her thigh. He roughly squeezed her, pinching her soft round flesh causing Kahlan to cry out with a mixture of pleasure and pain. She felt her eyes roll back as her eyelids fluttered with the sheer bliss, but this was not her Richard. He would never bring her pain in the midst of their lovemaking.

"Richard," she throatily gasped, rapidly losing control of her sense of reason. Her fingers were digging deeply into the hardened muscles of his arms as he worked his mouth back up her throat and behind her ear, her desire set to explode inside of her.

Ignoring the seductive plea of his name on her lips, Richard continued his frenzied assault, feeding his body's aching demand to be surrounded by the sweet warm depths of his wife. The feel of her fingers biting into his flesh only propelled him further over the edge, further igniting the all-consuming fire that burned inside his very core for her.

He knew he was being rougher with her than he should be, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. Something deep within him was driving him on, pushing him to be complete with her, thrusting him towards that blissful release that only she could bring him. She was the only one who could save him, could purge this vile thing from his soul and make him whole.

His blood was pounding in his ears, matching the hammering of his heart in his chest. He just loved her so much, had to show her how very much. He couldn't bear the thought of her being with another. No one could have her but him.

Finally pulling back for air, he gazed deeply into her eyes, causing gooseflesh to prickle down her arms. "You will have no other but me," he heatedly declared in a deadly low whisper that sent frosty shivers slicing through her like thousands of tiny icicles.

"I don't want anyone but you, Richard," she panted, her forehead creased in confusion. What was happening to him?

Kahlan leaned in to kiss him, desperate to taste him once more before doing what she knew she must do. She needed him to be alright, to be hers forever. She couldn't handle losing him to whatever invisible force that was attempting to steal him away from her, that was twisting and changing him into some sort of wild animal.

Brushing her lips against his, Kahlan abruptly pulled back from the kiss, placing her hands on either side of his face. Pressing her forehead against his, she momentarily closed her eyes against the wash of tears that fought for release.

"Richard, what is going on with you?" Kahlan ventured, afraid of the answer she might receive.

Staring into her blue depths for a moment, Richard suddenly pulled out of their heated embrace. Backing away from her, he raked his hand through his hair as he tried to calm his breathing. Turning in quick circles, he began looking anxiously about their suite as if unsure of where he was or what he had just done. Guilt bubbled up within him for what he had done to her, shame rising offensively in the back of his throat.

"Richard, there is something going on with you, something I…I don't understand. I think it's tied to that journal you've been reading," Kahlan pushed a little further as she attempted to rein in the desire that still pounded through her system. She could see the war being fought deep within his soul and was determined to save him from himself.

"There is nothing wrong with me, Kahlan. I'm fine," he tightly replied as turned away from her, rubbing his hands over his face, too ashamed to face her.

"You are not fine!" Kahlan cried in frustration.

Sweeping past him, Kahlan went straight for the journal he left lying on the table by the chair. Picking up the book, she began to flip through the pages to find them still empty.

"Give me the book, Kahlan," he angrily growled, a sneer on his lips as his fury suddenly twisted violently inside of him.

The look on his face told her that she was at the heart of what was going on with him. "What is in this book, Richard? Tell me!" she demanded, holding the book up in front of her. "How are you able to read a book full of blank pages?"

Storming towards her, Richard began to fume. "What are you talking about? The pages aren't blank."

"Then what is so important about this book that you forgot to meet me yesterday or today out in the Confessor's Garden? What has this book done to you that you're so angry and suspicious? Something about this book has changed you, Richard…something not good."

"I'm changing for the better, Kahlan," he bristled at her words.

"The better? There is nothing 'better' about your anger or accusing me of being with another man," she sadly cried, crushed that he would even think that she would do something like that to him. "If this book is not affecting you then you won't care it I throw it in the fire."

Kahlan turned on her heel and marched towards the fire, stopping to hold the journal before the orange flames dancing brightly in the fireplace. Her jaw was set with determination. She was going to get to the bottom of this one way or another. They had fought too hard for their love and she was not about to lose him now.

"Kahlan! Don't you dare burn that book!" Richard roared as rushed towards her, his eyes wide with horror. He couldn't lose that journal. He hadn't finished reading it yet. It was going to purge his rage from his blood, save him from the vile immorality that he had inherited that permanently stained his soul.

"Is this book more important than me? Our love? Are you willing to sacrifice everything because of what you think this book will save you from?

Richard watched in horror as her arm slowly fell to her side, the book coming closer to the hungry flames. Tears were trailing down her cheeks, anguish swimming in the deep blueness of her eyes. He knew he was going to have to do something or risk losing the journal that was going to save his life.

"Da'Tavius was a brilliant Wizard of the First Order who lived a thousand years ago," Richard suddenly began to tell her, his words coming out in a heated rush as he held his hands up defensively before him. He slowly began inching his way closer to her. "He was on a quest to control his emotions."

"Control his emotions? How did he do that?"

"He created something…something that drew all the emotions from the heart leaving a person completely controlled by logic," he softly said, attempting to restrain the frenzied anger that coursed through his veins. He had to get that journal out of her hands before she destroyed it.

"What did he create?" she whispered, dread seeping into her heart.

"Something called the Dragon's Heart. I was just reading about it when you came in," he told her as he drew even closer to her. He hoped that if he could just kept her talking he could get closer to her and save the journal.

"There's something about this book that is affecting you. It's causing you to be irrational, triggering the rage inside of you."

"No, it's not! That is what the book is helping me eliminate!" he shouted at her, lunging for her and knocking her to the ground and the book from her hand.

Having knocked the wind from her lungs, he swiftly pinned her wrists on either side of her head, his full weight pressing into her. She felt dazed, the back of her head pounding from being slammed to the floor. The rage that stormed in his eyes caused fear to penetrate straight to her core. This was no longer her Richard, her Seeker, her husband.

"Richard, please…I lo…" she tearfully began, fighting the haze that clouded her mind from being knocked so forcefully to the ground.

"I'm doing this for you, Kahlan…for us! Don't you see that?" he heatedly told her before leaning down and kissing her hard once more.

Kahlan struggled against the force of his lips against hers. She never thought that she would ever find herself fighting against his touch, would never feel so unnerved by him. And yet here she was, pinned to the floor, his weight crushing her, his lips bruising hers, his fingers digging painfully into her wrists.

"Let me help you, Richard," she pleaded after he finally pulled back for air.

"I don't need any help, Kahlan. I have the journal. I just need to find the Dragon's Heart and I'll never have to worry about the fury resurfacing ever again, will never have to be terrified of harming you," he told her, tears filling his eyes as he suddenly released his hold on her.

Standing to his feet, he swiftly picked the journal up off of the floor, tucking it safely into his vest pocket and rushing from the suite, leaving Kahlan stunned and in tears on the floor.

XXX

"Cara! Cara!" Kahlan shouted as she pounded her fist on the door.

Opening the door of her room, Cara was stunned to find Kahlan standing at her door, horror permeating her features. Her cheeks were stained with tears, her hair a tangled mess, her Confessor's dress was disheveled and torn at the neckline. Something was terribly wrong.

"Kahlan, what is it? What's wrong?"

"It's Richard; there's something wrong with him. He's not himself. You have to go find Zedd right now," Kahlan told her before turning and starting down the hallway.

"Kahlan, wait!" Cara yelled after her, confused by the sudden turn of events. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going after Richard."

"You can't go by yourself," Cara informed her as she ran after the Mother Confessor.

"I have to, Cara," Kahlan heatedly insisted, not pausing for the Mord'Sith to catch up. "I'm terrified of what he might do."

"It has something to do with that book, doesn't it?"

"Yes, but I don't understand what's happening. It was written by some Wizard named Da'Tavius. It's supposed to help control emotions, but it seems to be magnifying them in Richard."

"Are you sure it's safe to go after him?"

"Richard won't hurt me," Kahlan adamantly replied through gritted teeth as she raced down the stairs.

Despite how he had frightened her when he had first knocked her to the ground, Kahlan knew deep down in her heart that he would never hurt her. He had proven that when Denna had tried to force him to kill her. Their love had saved them both then and it would save him now.

"How do you even know where he went?"

"He said he had to find the Dragon's Heart. The only possible place it could be is in the Wizard's Keep. Just hurry, Cara."

"I'll find the Wizard and take him directly to the Keep," Cara promised the Mother Confessor, worry filling her mind with all the possible dangers that her Lord Rahl could be in. She just hoped that she could find Zedd in time.

XXX

Clouds gathered in the inky night sky as Richard ran towards the stables, his heart and mind a whirlwind of rage and confusion. Kahlan had almost destroyed the journal, ending his pursuit once and for all. How could she have done that to him? Didn't she love him anymore? Didn't she want him to be free of what he had been born with, the evil rage that he had inherited?

Panic seared through his soul. He couldn't lose her. He was connected to her heart and soul. Without her, he would be an empty shell, just a whisper of the man he had been when she was his. He had to get to the Keep as quickly as possible so he could rid himself of this fury and be worthy of her love once and for all. As soon as he found the Dragon's Heart, he would immediately return to the Confessor's Palace, find Kahlan and prove to her how deeply he loved her.

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Richard ran into the stables in search of Asa. His mind was running in a thousand directions, his heart racing with the turbulence of his emotions.

 _Control the rage…Kahlan doesn't love you anymore…_

 _Find the Dragon's Heart…you don't deserve her…you are a Rahl, it's in your blood…_

 _You have to claim the throne in D'Hara…how could Kahlan love a Rahl?_

 _You're just a monster…you knocked Kahlan down and pinned her to the floor…she doesn't belong to you, she belongs to the Midlands…_

 _You're the Seeker…you will never have true happiness and peace, the life that you have always dreamed of with Kahlan…_

Richard slid to a stop before his horse, his hands immediately grabbing the sides of his head in pain. His heart was racing so fast it felt as if it was about to explode out of his chest. He had to get to the Keep before he hurt someone, before he lost control of the raging beast that had finally awoken, rising to the surface and searching for release. If he could just lock himself inside the Keep, he could find what he needed and be rid of this revolting burden once and for all.

Sensing his master's turmoil, Asa began to snort and stamp his hooves wildly. He could feel the Seeker's chaos, causing the animal to become uneasy and jumpy. Richard attempted to soothe the horse, stroking his nose and scratching his ears.

"It's alright, boy," he choked out, his words of reassurance sounding empty and hopeless even to him. But he knew he couldn't stop now, not when he was so close. Not when his future with Kahlan depended on it.


	9. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Leaving the Confessor's Palace, Kahlan ran immediately towards the Keep, her mind a tightly twisted knot of agonizing thoughts, her stomach coiled just as painfully. Lantern in hand, she scanned the area for any sign of Richard as she picked her way through the darkness. The night encircled her, suffocating her as it quickly swallowed up what little light her lamp provided. Tiny stars blinked sporadically in the night sky, winking their secrets at the Mother Confessor in between the growing clouds, unwilling to divulge her husband's whereabouts.

With the darkening clouds came the increasing wind, whipping her hair about. The long skirt of her Confessor's dress kept tangling in between her legs as she ran, causing her to almost trip and fall. With her free hand, she snatched up the cumbersome material, clutching it tightly in her hand.

Not seeing any sign of Richard heading for the Keep, Kahlan came to an abrupt stop, her breath coming out in exerted pulls for air, her head twisting from side to side trying to find any trace of him. Turning, she decided to head towards the stables, praying to the Spirits that Richard was there, that she would be able to reach him before she lost him to whatever magic had a vice-like grip on him.

Tears continued to threaten to sweep her away, but Kahlan forced them back as she pushed her way towards where she hoped her husband was. He had saved her life on more occasions than she could remember, his infinite love saving her future. It was her turn to save him now. And she would save him for without him life would be empty and hollow. She would be forever like a lone leaf adrift in a wild tempest.

She swallowed back the cry of anguish that suddenly fought for release. She could not lose her Richard. He had given her a future that she never thought she could have – a life with a real husband who loved her for who she was, not some doting mate. She was married to someone that she loved more than life, not a mindlessly confessed man that she did not love who followed her around like a love-sick slave.

Kahlan began to feel anger merging with the terror that struck to her core. Richard had made her believe in their love, in them, that their love was stronger than anything in this world. They still had a family to build together damn it. He could not do this to her, could not make her go on alone without him.

What had ever possessed him to read that journal in the first place? Richard was in control of his feelings. Zedd had helped him, had worked all night with him to discipline the rage that had erupted that night with the Minders. It had been a grueling night for him and for her as well. It had broken her heart to watch the man that she loved struggle against the deep-seated fury that teemed in his blood. She had stayed up the entire night with him, lending him her strength through her presence and her love that permeated her eyes.

It had caused her heart to crumble as Richard voiced all the things that made him angry, every heated confession chipping off more of her heart. She hated that he carried such heavy burdens and yet never shared them with her, keeping them deep within him instead of allowing her to help him carry them.

Then Richard had passionately confessed that he was angry that he could not be with the woman that he loved, his dark eyes boring straight into her soul like a flaming arrow hitting its mark. He had spoken volumes in that one heated statement, professing how much he loved her while at the same time allowing her to see how it was tearing him apart that he could not show her.

She should have known at that moment that Richard's love for her was far more powerful than her magic. Looking back, the answer had been so obvious, crackling in the air and blazing brightly there in his eyes as it intermingled with his fiery desire for her. Her heart had hammered forcefully in that intense moment, her breath catching in her chest as he stared so intensely at her.

She had been so desperate to feel his kisses in that moment, to know his passionate touch that it taken every ounce of strength she possessed not to run to him and make love to him, her magic be damned. In that instant, she had felt herself starting to give in. The only thing that had kept her feet firmly planted had been the sudden booming sound of Zedd's voice thundering in her ears. And then that precious moment had passed…

Months later, though, she had at last been free to feel the passion of his touch, the hunger behind his kisses. She had finally been able to experience the yearning that she had seen in his eyes that night.

After leaving the Minders, Zedd had voiced his concerns about Richard and his ability to keep control. Kahlan had brushed his worries off as unfounded, just lingering fears from what had happened. She knew her Richard, knew his heart. He could never be like his ancestors. Richard may carry the name Rahl, may have their blood flowing through his veins, but he did not have their heart.

Kahlan had never seen a heart quite like Richard's. It was so pure, so noble, so steadfast in his beliefs. Nothing was more important to him than life. He had proven that to her over and over again. It was one of the many things that she loved so much about him. He could never become what had befallen his namesake. Richard was different - he was a very rare and special person.

Finally reaching the stables, Kahlan frantically searched for him, splashing the light of her lantern all around her. Making her way down the center aisle, horses began to neigh their annoyed response to the sudden intrusion, some stamping their hooves while others completely ignored their honored visitor.

Hearing the sound of galloping hooves, Kahlan took off to the other side of the stables, desperation springing anew. She had to stop him, make him listen to her. She knew she could get through to him. She had seen the raging battle storming in his eyes, the regret and shame, the rage and the fear. It was all so plainly visible in his face when he had released his hold on her in their suite.

Catching a glimpse of movement at the far end, Kahlan raced for him, her heart leaping into her throat. Shining her lantern in front of her, she could make out the outline of Richard on his horse, rapidly making his way towards her.

"Richard!" Kahlan cried as she saw him approaching her, holding the lantern out before her so he would see her.

Richard's mind was consumed with one sole purpose. Find the Dragon's Heart to remove the sins of his ancestors and the insane fury that came with it. Only then would Kahlan truly love him, accept him. He could truly be a husband to her like she deserved and a father to their children. Only then could he be what everyone wanted him to be – the Seeker of Truth, husband to the Mother Confessor, Lord Rahl, Ruler of D'Hara and Master of the Mord'Sith.

His purpose, however, was battling the rage that now burned like liquid flames in his very core. The name Rahl had forever tainted his blood. How could he possibly pass it on to his daughters? It would have to be purged. He couldn't bear the thought of his daughters battling this same evil that lived inside of him. He would rather die than to watch his children have to face such a gruesome struggle with inner demons that had been passed down from generation to generation through the house of Rahl.

In addition to the fury and fears, it felt as if a lifeless pit had erupted inside of him, attempting to eradicate the same emotions that were blazing so violently out of control. He was watching things taking place against his will, something else in control of his movements and his actions. How could he have been so rough with Kahlan tonight? Accusing her of being with someone else?

It felt as if he were no longer in control of his body. Something else deep in his core was driving him, propelling him to act. There was a deadly battle being waged and Richard wasn't sure which side was going to win or if he would even survive it. All he knew was that he had to try. For Kahlan.

His gaze was narrowed, attempting to focus as he galloped through the darkness of the night. A light suddenly appeared out of nowhere, cutting through the thick hazy shadows. His name was being carried in the wind, tickling his ears and creating a momentary oasis in the midst of the firestorm that consumed him. The voice was sweet and familiar. It was one that knew his soul, that owned his very heart.

Through the heavy blanket of turmoil and rage that plagued him, Richard saw his Kahlan running towards him, a lamp in her hand. She held it out before her, the light casting a radiant halo about her. Strands of hair whipped wildly about her in the wind, her face one of sorrow and fear. Her eyes were filled with panic, her white dress fluttering around her. She looked like a gorgeous spirit come to life in the late hours of the night just to save him and yet the dead thing devouring his heart would not allow him to answer her no matter how hard he fought.

His throat was dry, his voice mute. He could not make his jaw work. His heart was screaming for her, frantically crying out to her to move out of the way before she got hurt, telling her how sorry he was for what he had done to her in their suite, but he was no longer in control of anything. The war between his heart and his mind had escalated beyond the point of no return.

"Richard!" she cried louder in desperation, panic threatening to strangle her.

Richard wasn't slowing down, didn't seem to hardly recognize her. Tears filled her eyes, momentarily obscuring her vision before suddenly leaking down her cheeks. Dear Spirits, why wasn't he slowing down for her?

"Richard! Please stop!" she screamed once more, the horse and its rider rapidly bearing down on her.

Already edgy from his master's conflicted state, Asa became startled at the site of the Mother Confessor in her white dress, the wind whipping it wildly about her, the lantern swinging before her in the darkness. Asa whinnied loudly as Richard forcefully yanked on the reins in a desperate attempt to gain control of the animal and to keep from being thrown off. The horse began rearing back on its hind legs right before Kahlan, its front hooves coming up and threatening to trample her before the frightened horse suddenly took off again.

Seeing the spooked horse coming at her, it was as if time had suddenly slowed to a crawl and yet it was all happening so very fast. In that instant, Kahlan saw the emotionless look carved into Richard's features, shaking her to her bones. Their eyes locked and in that moment, Kahlan could see the dead calm of resolve that swam in them despite the darkness that surrounded them. The site of his penetrating eyes no longer holding the love he held in his heart for her was worse than a thousand daggers ever could be.

Kahlan jumped out of the way at the last moment, narrowly missing being trampled to death. Her boot caught on the loose stones, the dirt and rocks immediately giving way. The lantern slipped from her grasp, being lost in the darkness.

Despite his soul being dragged into the dead abyss of nothingness, Richard forced himself to look over his shoulder for his beloved. Casting a quick glance, he could no longer see Kahlan and her white Confessor's dress or the lantern she had held. His heart was reeling with fear for her, desperate to go back for her, but he was now at the mercy of Da'Tavius and his journal. Soon, his heart would be too.

His tendons were drawn tight, his muscles burning as he fought for control, but the harder he fought the stronger the magic ripping through him became. Sweat beaded on his brow despite the coolness of the night and the wind that was pulsing against his face. His hands gripped the reigns so fiercely that his knuckles were white. His jaw began to throb from grinding his teeth so tightly in his attempt to stop the battle within. He had to go back for Kahlan.

With great effort, he finally forced his lips to part, a weak strangled cry of his beloved's name escaping his throat, tears stinging his eyes. He silently prayed for her forgiveness, that she was alright. How could she ever excuse his behavior after tonight?

Sudden searing pain shot like lightning through his skull, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut against the sudden assault. He panted against the pain, attempting to stay upright in the saddle. The same pain that shot through his head suddenly tore through his heart, his horse galloping at full speed as he neared the Wizard's Keep.

Finally giving into the agonizing pain, Richard fell forward onto the neck of his horse. Sensing his master's perilous state, Asa suddenly slowed as he reached the Keep. Clutching Asa's mane, Richard felt something cold erupt inside his chest. Icy tendrils began to rapidly twist and turn throughout his body, frosty vines wrapping around everything it could grasp hold of.

If this was death, Richard readily decided that he would gladly welcome it because it meant he would no longer be capable of hurting Kahlan anymore. She deserved so much better than a Rahl.

His teeth began to chatter from the chill that had invaded his body. Attempting to sit up, his body felt stiff as if he had fallen asleep in the snow. An eerie sense of peace was sweeping over him at the same moment, the rage being replaced by the cold dead hand of logic. His heart began to slow to a steady beat once more, the chaos that had filled his mind slowly dissipating.

Uncurling his fingers from Asa's mane, Richard slowly and stiffly dismounted his stead. He suddenly realized that he was no longer in control of his body, but neither was the fury. Where the rage had once been, now lived…nothing…absolute nothingness. There was not anything but an empty dead calm where his heart had once been beating. It was a strange sensation. He'd never experienced anything like it before.

He closed his eyes and searched for the fury that had always simmered within his core only to find it no longer there. He had done it. He had annihilated the evil from his body and yet there was still something else hiding inside of him, something that he couldn't quite find, something that was still battling this empty peace that Da'Tavius's journal had brought to him.

Faces and memories, places he'd been and things that he had done began flashing rapidly through his mind. The things that he felt for these people and the feelings that accompanied each of those experiences began to disappear. He felt detached and disconnected as he saw the people that he used to love. There was a cold indifference that had settled over him. Close friends, family, even Kahlan were just people to him now, individuals who no longer held any place in what used to be his heart.

Looking up at the massive doors of the Keep, Richard knew he needed to still find the Dragon's Heart. He had to find it, keep it safe, protect it. Chanting the magical words that opened the doors, Richard waited patiently as they slowly creaked open. The wind whipped through his hair as his eyes studied the Keep before him. Asa stamped his hooves in adamant protest, but Richard ignored his pleas.

Richard swept through the open doors, grabbing a torch, only to come to an abrupt halt when Zedd and Cara suddenly stepped from the dark shadows to stand before him, blocking his path. He studied his grandfather and friend with a cold indifference to their presence, feeling nothing at the site of them.

"Richard, where are you going?" Zedd warily asked as he stared at him, hiding the shock of seeing his grandson like this.

Richard's face was impassive, his once vibrant eyes always so full of emotion were now distant and lifeless. He looked neither happy nor sad, neither angry nor ecstatic. He was like an empty husk of a human being, devoid of all emotion.

"I'm looking for the Dragon's Heart," Richard evenly stated, staring blankly back at them as if it had been obvious what he was up to.

Cara stared at him, worry seeping into her eyes. This man was not Richard, was not her Lord Rahl. While she still somehow felt that bond that all D'Harans felt with their Lord Rahl, this was no longer him. This man was cold and expressionless, lacking the heart and soul, the love for life that her Lord Rahl once had.

"Richard, Cara told me that you've been reading Da'Tavius's journal. He was a very deranged, very dangerous Wizard who had wild ideas about containing one's heart. He cast a hidden spell on that journal, causing the reader's heart, soul, and mind to become joined with the book. Once you find the Dragon's Heart, the spell is irreversible. That is why the journal and the Dragon's Heart were kept hidden in the Crypt of Secrets.

It steals your heart, your ability to think clearly for yourself. It erases your emotions and in time it will kill you, replacing your heart with crystal exactly like the Dragon's Heart," Zedd calmly informed him despite the fear that pounded through his body. How in Spirits did that boy stumble across that wretched journal?

Richard just stared vacantly at them as if he could not process what was being said to him. "But I must find the Dragon's Heart. That is the only way to finally purge the fury from within me. Then I will be incapable of hurting Kahlan or anyone else ever again," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Richard, where is Kahlan?" Cara finally asked. Kahlan had gone after Richard. Something had to have happened to her or she would have been here with him now.

Richard's brow furrowed slightly as he began to prod his memory, trying to remember what exactly had happened to his wife.


	10. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

Storm clouds began to rumble softly overhead, the stars completely hidden now. The night air was quickly becoming infused with the tranquil smell of rain. The wind grew stronger, the tops of the trees bending and swaying back and forth at nature's mercy.

Shadows raced frantically through the night towards the stables, Zedd leading the way, a ball of Wizard's fire glowing brightly in his hand cutting through the darkness and lighting their path. Richard was being followed closely by Cara who had her agiel pointing menacingly at him.

Cara had to threaten Richard with bodily harm to force him to go with them to the stables to search for the Mother Confessor. His cool indifference to Kahlan's disappearance was unnerving. It was difficult to watch his detached, cavalier attitude towards the well-being of the woman who owned his heart. It made her more fearful about what could have happened to Kahlan. Could Richard have actually done something to her?

Now devoid of love, Kahlan no longer meant anything to him; none of them did. In his quest to contain his emotions, Richard had also eradicated his love for the one who was the very center of his world.

"Where did you last see Kahlan?" Cara asked in irritation, her eyes trying to make sense of the shifting shadows around them as concern for her friends pounded through her heart.

Approaching the stables, Richard looked about, his brow creased as he thought back to what had happened here. His mind was clouded, events of the night already rapidly fading. He remembered being out here, riding his horse. Then someone had come looking for him. Standing before him with a lantern, the phantom in white had captured his attention, completely mesmerizing him. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off of the apparition that had appeared before him.

Kahlan…it was Kahlan…something had happened to her. The chaos of emotions was now gone from his mind, but it had been replaced with confusion and empty distant memories. Something had happened to Kahlan tonight, something that he had caused. He forced himself to try to think, to try to remember. Instead of being able to remember what had happened to her, one word kept coming to his mind.

Love. He…loved her. And yet where he used to feel such a deep passionate love for her, there was nothing but a dark void. Staring into the darkness, Richard closed his eyes. This was important. Once he remembered, he could tell them where she was, return to the Keep, and find the Dragon's Heart. Then everything would be alright again.

"Over there," he finally announced, opening his eyes and pointing in the direction on the other side of the stables.

Forcing Richard forward, Cara and Zedd made their way to the other side of the stables. Coming to stand at the edge of the cliff, Zedd held his hand out in front of him, the ball of fire suddenly glowing larger and brighter. Spreading out along the cliff's edge, they immediately began scanning for signs of Kahlan, hoping that she had not fallen down into the deep chasm.

"There she is!" Cara frantically called, her eyes catching site of the Confessor's dress. "Kahlan!"

Richard stood impassively with his arms crossed against his chest, blankly staring straight ahead as Cara called out to Kahlan, not making any attempt to look for her or try to help. Infuriated by Richard's indifference towards his wife, Cara strode to him, forcefully grabbing him by the arm and jerking him back over to where she saw Kahlan.

"See down there? There is your wife, Richard…the woman you used to love before you became obsessed with that stupid journal!" Cara seethed, as she stared at him, her finger directing him to where Kahlan now laid. "Don't you feel anything for that woman down there who risked her life to try to save you?"

Cara knew that she was being hard on Lord Rahl, that he was under a powerful spell that had all but obliterated his emotions, but she could not stand to see him like this. Richard and Kahlan's love for each other had opened her eyes, allowing her to finally see the possibilities of what her life could be. They had given her a hope she had never known before. Seeing him so cold and emotionless about the woman he loved more than life was turning her world upside down.

Richard stared vacantly down into the rocky chasm, his gaze settling on the body of his Kahlan lying motionlessly among the rocks several feet below the cliff's edge. She was lying on her back on a narrow flat ledge that had caught her when she had fallen, saving her from plunging even further. Her hair and her dress was fanned our around her, dirt and blood mingled on her face and dress. She looked so broken, so lifeless.

"Dear Spirits," Zedd mumbled under his breath, horrified by the site of the Mother Confessor as he came to stand beside them.

"I'll get some rope," Cara said as she left Richard and Zedd standing there, hoping that they would be able to get to Kahlan in time for her to give the Mother Confessor the breath of life if needed. Zedd had better be able to fix Lord Rahl before she strangled him herself or he would need the breath of life as well.

Richard continued to stand transfixed, the site of his wife possibly dead began to slowly reaching past the ice, triggering something inside of him that had been hidden away and protected from the magical spell of the journal. The thick layer of ice that had formed around his heart began to crack and split, the bitter glacier in his soul beginning to suddenly thaw and melt away.

"Kahlan!" Zedd called down to her, frantically trying to think of a way to save both Richard and Kahlan.

The Seeker watched his Confessor, not even hearing his grandfather as he called out to her. Everything suddenly came roaring back to his mind. Marrying Kahlan, the love that he had made to her, her being attacked in the prison, his anger that had almost consumed him, the chaos inside of him exploding, pinning Kahlan to the ground, almost trampling her with his horse…

"…I love you, Richard…Forever, Kahlan…"

Those words spoken so tenderly to each other began echoing through his mind and ringing in his heart, awakening what had been hidden so protectively from the spell. And in that moment, the damn of ice abruptly broke, the glacier crumbling within him, allowing his emotions and memories to flood his body once more.

Warmth permeated his entire essence, filling every fiber of his being. Love that he had known and felt for his wife suddenly came surging forth like a fountain, overwhelming his senses and causing his once cold heart to thunder fiercely in his chest once more.

"KAHLAN!"

The powerful cry of her name tearing free from his lips came forth like an erupting volcano, startling Zedd and echoing violently through the deep chasm. Tears instantly filled Richard's eyes as realization crashed down upon him, awareness of the things he had done the last few days devastating his soul. The site of his wife lying injured and dying on the ledge and the love that they shared had reached beyond the magical spell and set him free. The spell that Da'Tavius had placed on the journal and thus on Richard had been broken somehow.

Zedd stared in sheer amazement as he watched his grandson suddenly transform before his very eyes, breaking the powerful spell that Da'Tavius had laced the journal with. No one had ever been able to break the magical spell on their own.

Crushing panic threatened to suck Richard down into a helpless pit of despair. He had to get to Kahlan, to save her. He could not live without her. Without a second thought, he quickly began climbing down to her, desperate to get to her no matter the danger.

"Richard, stop! Wait for Cara!" Zedd called after him, grabbing his arm and attempting to hold him back.

"Let go of me, Zedd!" Richard roared with a deadliness that rattled the Wizard to his bones as the Seeker jerked his arm free. "I'm alright now, but Kahlan…Spirits…Kahlan is…she's…" he choked out, tears swimming in his eyes, his chest heaving with the ferocity of the grief that flooded his system.

Staring into his grandson's eyes, Zedd could see the life that now thrived in his soul once more, bringing him a great sense of relief. This was the Seeker, his grandson. The spell had been broken. Something had happened inside of Richard, something that Zedd didn't quite understand.

Not waiting another moment, Richard immediately began climbing down, grabbing blindly for rocks and small shocks of grass as his boots skidded in the loose gravel. Thunder began to rumble loudly above as his fingers frantically dug into the dirt, clawing to keep his balance, desperate to get to Kahlan. He did not care what happened to him. She was all that mattered to him in this world.

Raindrops slowly began to fall from the heavens as Richard steadily made his way down to her, the site of his beloved lying lifelessly before him cleaving his heart in two. The ground unexpectedly gave way under his boots, causing him to lose his grip and begin a deadly slide. Panic surged through him as he frantically began scratching the rocks around him to stop his freefall, cutting his skin and tearing at his fingers.

"Richard!" Zedd cried overhead. Reaching out with his free hand, the old Wizard cast an invisible net below his grandson's feet, halting his descent and allowing Richard to grab hold once more.

Pausing momentarily to catch his breath, Richard kept his gaze fixed on Kahlan who had yet to open her eyes or make any movement. Fear buffeted him from every side as guilt continued to pound wildly in his heart. This is what it felt to be alive again.

If Kahlan died, the fault would be completely his and he would die out here on this ledge with her. Richard felt as if a hand suddenly reached inside, seizing hold of his heart, its fingers digging into the flesh, cutting deeply into the muscles and making it difficult to breathe. He could not allow that to happen to his Kahlan.

Quickening his pace, Richard continued his descent, his hands growing more confident as he kept his focus on his wife. Rain began to fall more steadily from the sky, creating a mist in the chasm that began to envelope them, causing the rocks to become wet and slippery.

With a relieved sigh, Richard finally reached her, cautiously setting one boot and then the other on the narrow ledge, fearful it too might give way under his added weight. Feeling that the rock would hold him, he carefully sank to his knees beside his wife.

"Kahlan," he tenderly called to her, his voice quivering with the terror that gripped him.

Tears fell from his eyes as he took in the site of her. Dirt and scrapes covered her face and arms, blood oozed from numerous cuts that marred her body. Blood seeped from a large gash in her side, soaking her dress and wetting the rocky ledge that held her body.

With tremulous hands, Richard carefully cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. Tears dripped from his eyes, wetting the dirt on her face. He tenderly brushed her hair from her face before pressing trembling lips against her forehead and each eyelid. She felt cool to his touch, blood oozing endlessly from every cut, every scrape. Spirits, what had he done?

"Oh my Kahlan," he softly sobbed. A small sense of relief swept over him as he brushed his lips across hers, the faint feel of her breath bringing a very small measure of peace to his heart. At least she was still alive. "I'm so sorry, my love."

He gently ran his hands down either side of her wounded face, frantic to know that she would be alright. He continued his inspection, his hands running down her form until he reached the large gash in her side. Her once white Confessor's dress was now blood red, tattered and torn. Bile rose in the back of his throat, panic surging through him. This had been his fault. He may as well have just run her through with his sword, causing the wound in her side himself.

His one hand automatically went to his side, his fingers brushing over the hilt of his sword, its magic merging with the rage that lived inside of him once more. His fingers tingled with the powerful magic that flowed from the weapon into his soul, agreeing with and solidifying his guilt, condemning him as he condemned himself. He wanted more than anything to draw his sword and take his worthless life, but he knew that he couldn't. Kahlan needed him to save her right now. There was no time for wallowing in self-pity or dwelling on wrong choices that he had made.

Pulling himself back from that precipice of self-hatred, Richard immediately covered the wound with his hands, frantic to keep the life-preserving fluid in her body. Where was Cara? He had to get her out of here, out of the cool night wind and storms to where Zedd could hopefully heal her before he lost her forever.

"Please hang on, Kahlan," he begged. "I'm so sorry…please be okay…just don't leave me…"

Covering her body with his, he began to sob uncontrollably for what he had allowed to happen to her, his arms gently picking her up and holding her limp body against his own. Burying his face in her hair, his tears fell like a never-ending waterfall of anguish and shame. If Zedd and Cara hadn't gotten to the Keep before him, he never would have found her, never would have broken free from the magic that had bound his heart and soul. She had saved him again by sending them there. He would save her now.

"Richard…"

The hushed whisper of his name almost went unheard, deadened by the sounds of his sobs, but he had heard it. In his heart, he heard her speak his name and like every other time he heard the sound of his name on her sweet lips, it made his soul sing in response, but it was oh so much sweeter this time than ever before.

Pulling back, Richard stared into the bluest eyes he had ever had the privilege of drowning in. "Kahlan…my precious Kahlan," he softly murmured, his voice strained from the grief that overwhelmed him as his eyes roamed over her face. "I'm so sorry…"

Kahlan drew a shaking breath, causing her to cry out in agonizing pain. Her back arched, her body stiffening in his arms as she attempted to alleviate the pain that lanced through her. Every bone in her body hurt like nothing she had ever experienced before. Her head was thundering, her side splitting. Opening her eyes, she found herself staring into haunting dark brown eyes, eyes that were filled with so much pain it made her shudder.

"Lord Rahl!"

The sound of Cara's voice was music to his ears and pulled him from the brink of insanity. The end of a rope suddenly landed on the rocky ledge beside them, waiting to haul them both up to safety.

"Richard," Kahlan softly gasped, her breathing erratic as she took shallower breaths to lessen the pain. "Never forget…how much I love you…with all of my heart…"

Tears began to leak from the corners of her eyes, the feel of death's icy fingers beginning to caress her body. She didn't want to leave him. Spirits, they'd only been married for a week. They had so much to live for, daughters to create and raise, a territory to rebuilt together.

"I love you forever," he bitterly sobbed, his tears falling faster with the renewed grief of her profession of love. "Hang on! You promised to grow old with me, Kahlan…you can't break that promise to me…"

Kahlan's eyes slid closed just then, unconsciousness claiming her in an attempt to shield her from the pain that had been inflicted on her body. Holding her to him, shuddering sobs racked his body.

Inundated with the depths of his anguish, Richard began to tremble, a strange warmth springing up from deep within him. It seemed to expand from his very core, reaching up and touching the woman he held in his arms. A bright flash suddenly encompassed them, momentarily blinding Richard.

Kahlan abruptly gasped in his arms, drawing a deep breath before settling back into the waiting arms of unconsciousness. Richard didn't know what had just happened, but something inside of him told him that she was going to be alright now. Gently laying her back down, he quickly grabbed the rope and tied it around him. Picking her back up in his arms, he yelled back up to Cara.

"Ready, Cara!"

Richard held her tightly against him as he felt the rope begin to pull him higher and higher up the rocky slope. Pressing his lips to her ear, he softly murmured his love for her, how beautiful and captivating she was to him, how no one had ever turned his head or possessed his heart like she did. He told her about the daughters they were going to have and how they were all going to look just like their beautiful mother. How they were going to grow old together and that she was his forever.

Reaching the top, Richard saw Marley attached to the other end of the rope being guided by Cara. Kahlan's horse had saved them. He carefully laid her down before quickly untying the rope from around his waist.

"Zedd, do something…please, I can't…I…"

Staring into the shattered eyes of his grandson, Zedd felt his heart break with the weight of Richard's grief. He silently vowed to do everything in his power to save Kahlan even if it cost him his own life. Reaching out his hands, he closed his eyes as he began the grueling process of healing the Mother Confessor.

Sitting back on his heels, Richard held Kahlan's held tightly between his own. His face was soaked with his tears, his shirt with her blood.

Cara stared in horror at the site of Kahlan lying so motionless on the ground, her body so obviously broken. Casting a glance at her Lord Rahl, she felt her heart tighten with grief over his pain. He had never looked so broken before, so utterly devastated.

While the Mother Confessor's body was broken and could be healed, Cara wasn't so certain about the Seeker's heart.


	11. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to my fic Forever, Richard has found a diary that he thinks could help him deal with the rage that lives inside of him. Will the diary help him or create more chaos in the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears) / Sequel to my fic Forever

He stood staring at what had become his favorite spot in the suite besides their bed. The view of the private Confessor's Garden outside the balcony doors had become his sanctuary of late. This was the spot that he had spent the last four days while Kahlan had recovered from her injuries - injuries that he had caused.

He had found it near impossible to hold her hand or sit by her bed let alone sleep in it since the incident at the cliff. He couldn't endure watching her as she slept and healed, but neither could he bear leaving her side. So, this was where he had come to be. Standing at the balcony doors, staring out the glass for hours on end, lost in his heartache and yet near enough if Kahlan needed anything.

Watching the glow of the moon as it illuminated the gardens, Richard's mind was still where it had been since finding Kahlan that dreadful night. He was still out there in the rainstorm on that narrow ledge and he had no idea how he was ever going to get off of it.

After saving Kahlan and getting her back to their room, Zedd had confessed his astonishment that she was even alive. Her injuries had been extensive, so many bones broken and lot of blood lost. Something had happened down in that chasm, though, something he could not explain. It wasn't until the old Wizard had checked on Richard to make certain he was free from Da'Tavius's wicked spell that the pieces had finally fallen into place.

Zedd had sat back, mouth gaping open in shock as he stared at Richard. Cara had been worried about the Wizard's reaction and immediately began demanding answers, wanting to know what was wrong with her Lord Rahl. Zedd had informed them that Richard had his Han back.

Richard had argued that it could not be true, that he had willingly given up his Han to Sister Nicci in order to escape the Sisters of the Light and return to Kahlan and his mission. Zedd had admitted that he didn't really have any explanation. The only conclusion he could possibly come up with was that when Kahlan had killed Richard at the Pillars of Creation, Sister Nicci must have been killed around the same time as well. Richard's Han no longer belonged to her. When Cara had brought Richard back to life, his Han was rightfully returned to him.

Richard didn't care about Sister Nicci or his Han. The only thing that mattered to him was that Kahlan was alive and was going to be alright. Zedd said that the warm rush that Richard had felt and the bright light when he held Kahlan out on that ledge had been his Han reaching out and touching Kahlan, saving her life. Whatever it was, Richard was just relieved that she would live.

Releasing a haggard breath now, Richard squeezed his eyes tightly closed against the memories that still haunted him. Every time he looked at her, he found himself back on that ledge, Kahlan lying battered and beaten on the precipice of death. He wished that he had never found that wretched journal. It should have been destroyed years ago.

Zedd had told Richard that Da'Tavius had lost his wife in an unfortunate accident, one that had been inadvertently caused by Da'Tavius. Da'Tavius had never recovered from it and had begun his quest to purge his body of all emotions. He had believed it was better to feel nothing at all, to be completely ruled by logic. Then he wouldn't have to feel, wouldn't have to deal with what had happened to his beloved wife.

Along the course of his quest, Da'Tavius had become consumed, obsessed with his goal. He became bitter and deranged, spelling the book to eventually kill whoever read it. The book slowly drew the reader in, subtly taking over his mind and his actions, before completely wiping away his emotions. Once the Dragon's Heart was found, it was too late. The spell became irreversible, the heart becoming like crystal and finally stopping altogether.

Zedd felt that it had been a combination of Richard's Han and the love that he and Kahlan shared that had broken through the powerful magic that Da'Tavius had used. It was the only explanation for how Richard was able to break free from it.

After talking to Zedd that day, Richard had come to a decision, one that he knew was going to be extremely difficult, but he knew what he had to do. A calm sense of resolve solidified in the broken pieces of his heart as he reconfirmed that decision.

He could never forgive himself for what he had done to Kahlan, forcing himself so roughly on her, knocking her to the ground, yelling at her, accusing of her being with another man. He felt his heart leap into his throat as he watched himself riding towards her, the anguish that had filled her face as he bore down on her, the sounds of his horse's hooves thundering in his head. Seeing her lying on those rocks, her body broken and bloodied had nearly destroyed his heart.

He didn't care what Zedd had said, that it wasn't his fault, that he had been under very powerful magic that no one before him had ever been able to break free. Richard knew that he should have been stronger, should have struggled harder, should have stopped it long before it escalated to what it had.

Richard had felt like a prisoner in his own body, watching events unfold, but unable to stop it. If he had fought harder, Kahlan wouldn't have been injured, wouldn't have almost died out there in that chasm.

Tears burned in his eyes and in his throat as he considered the decision he had made. Zedd and Cara had both attempted to talk him out of it, Zedd mostly arguing with him for hours on end and even Cara had had her share of misgivings. However, the Seeker was steadfast in his decision. The only thing left now was to tell Kahlan.

She had awoken yesterday morning, much to everyone's relief, but no one more so than Richard. He had found it difficult to meet her eyes since she had woken, finding reasons to do other things or be some place other than in their suite since she awoke and was no longer in danger. He just couldn't bring himself to look into the bright blue eyes that held so much love for him. He was not worthy of it.

But now, Richard knew he could avoid her no longer. She deserved to hear his decision from him and no one else. He owed her that much at least. Raking his hand back through his hair, he fought the urge to give into his sorrow. He would have to learn to live with it now.

Richard bristled as hands began to snake their way around his waist, her chin settling onto his shoulder. Her hair abruptly fell across his skin sending shivers down his spine. Holding his breath, he attempted to tamp down on his desire. Closing his eyes, he tried to slow the sudden pounding of his heart, to hide his building arousal from her. Spirits, why did he have to respond so readily, so powerfully to her?

"I missed you today," she murmured enticingly, tilting her head to press her lips against the sensitive flesh behind his ear. "Where were you all day?"

"I had things I had to take care of," he softly said with a stilted voice. His arousal was quickly suppressing his logic, his hormones beginning to storm through his system as her fingers danced over the hardened muscles of his abdomen. His guilt and shame was screaming at her to stop, that he didn't deserve her love while his body was begging her for so much more.

Wearing nothing but his sleeping pants, the soft moonlight highlighted every muscled curve of his body as he stood in the rays that shown through the balcony doors. She had been hurt that she hadn't seen him all day. He had been there when she awoke yesterday, standing at these same balcony doors that held his fascination now, but she had seen very little of him since then.

Last night she had fallen asleep alone in their bed, wishing that he had been there to hold her. He had come to bed long after she had fallen asleep, waking up and leaving long before she awoke. She had reminded herself that he was probably still dealing with everything that had happened. Cara had filled her in on everything that had occurred after she had fallen off the cliff, how Richard had broken free from the spell on his own, how he had climbed down to her, saving her life and getting her to safety.

Kahlan was so relieved that Richard was alright again. It had thrilled her soul to know that their love had once again saved them both. Their love was truly stronger than the most powerful magic. Richard just needed some time now to sort through everything that had happened and she would be there with him every step of the way.

Teasing her way leisurely down his neck, Kahlan could feel him stiffen and flinch beneath her touch, causing her heart to constrict. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to pool there. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him, of him tormenting himself because of what had happened to her. It was not his fault and she was determined to make him see that.

"Richard," Kahlan began, turning him around in her arms, forcing him to look at her. The pain she saw swimming in his eyes pierced directly to her core. While it was a relief to at last see some form of emotion there, it upset her to see the depths of his turmoil. "This was not your fa…"

"Kahlan, I'm leaving," he evenly stated, interrupting her. His arms were now wrapped tightly around his chest as if he was determined to hold himself together and not break down or give in to his want for her.

"You're what?" she whispered in shock, terrified that if she asked him any louder it might be true.

"I'm leaving…in the morning. I'm going to D'Hara," he told her, his resolve beginning to waver within him as he stared into those eyes that lit up his whole world. The anguish he saw there nearly made him take it all back, tell her it was all a mistake, but he knew he had to do this.

"You're leaving me?" she choked out, her bottom lip beginning to quiver as anguish began crashing over her. She had come so close to losing him to a deranged Wizard's spell and now she was losing him to his guilt.

"I have to do this, Kahlan," he began, drawing a deep breath, looking for the strength he did not have to break the heart that meant more than anything in this life to him. "Darken Rahl is out there somewhere plotting his return and I have to stop him. I have to take the throne before he does. The world will never be safe until I do...you will never be safe."

"How long will you be gone?" Kahlan stepped away from him, wrapping her arms around herself as she turned her back to him, desperate to process what was happening.

Seeing her standing there in her silken nightdress that hugged her ever curve was intoxicating, but he fought against the desperate urge to take her into his arms and make love to her. He couldn't…at least not right now. As much as his body and his heart demanded to have her, to feel the sweet warmth and love of his wife, his mind was still reeling from what he had done to her.

"I don't know…at least six months, maybe more…" he softly said, swallowing back the sudden lump in his throat as he watched her shoulders slump further, her chin falling to her chest with his words. He felt nauseous knowing the pain he was causing her, but he also knew he couldn't stay here with her right now, not after almost taking her life.

He needed time to think, to work through things for himself. He had to learn how to deal with what had happened, the fury that still burned in his soul and always would. He couldn't do that with her so close, constantly reminding him of the evil that lived within him. She had almost died because of him. That was not something he could get over any time soon.

"I'm going with you," she resolutely stated, lifting her head and turning to face him. Tears swam in her eyes as she made her way back to him.

"No, Kahlan. I've taken you from Aydindril for far too long. Besides, this is something I must do without you," he told her, his voice wavering slightly, betraying his heart.

Kahlan's eyes fell as tears began to stream down her face. "Is Cara going with you?"

"No, I'm taking Zedd."

"Zedd? Why not Cara?"

"I have my Han back. Zedd feels he needs to go with me in case the headaches return again. Cara can't help me if that happens, but Zedd can. He wants to begin my training as a wizard as soon as possible to prevent the headaches from returning. I have instructed Cara to stay here to protect you at all cost."

"I'm sure Cara is not happy with that decision."

"She wasn't happy that I was going at all."

"I thought Cara of all people would want to rush you to D'Hara as soon as possible," Kahlan bitterly said, anger beginning to simmer with her husband's unexpected decision.

"She thinks I need to stay here with you for a while longer, that I shouldn't leave you so soon, but I need to do this…now."

"You're leaving now only because you feel guilty about what happened to me, but it was not your fault, Richard. Do you hear me? It was not your fault!" she adamantly declared as she grasped his face in her hands, forcing him to look into her heated gaze.

"I know you don't believe it, but it is my fault Kahlan and there is nothing you can say to make me believe otherwise," he calmly stated with a cool resolve that made her blood feel like ice in her veins. "I just need some time to work through things."

"Time away from me…" she resentfully replied, her anger mingling with her need for him. He wasn't the only one suffering right now. She needed him here with her, not hundreds of leagues away in a territory that hated the Seeker and Mother Confessor, despised everything they believed in and stood for. Besides, they were going to start a family.

"I'm sorry, Kahlan" he whispered, fearful to say more, afraid that his voice would betray him even more than it already had. It was taking every ounce of determination he had not to stay here with her forever, never leave her side.

"Then before you leave me, make love to me," she firmly stated, her lips crashing forcefully against his before he could deny her.

Stunned, Richard tensed beneath her kiss despite his body's desperate need for her. He kept his eyes open, determined not to give in to the heat of her kiss, determined not to respond despite the arousal now beginning to thrum through his system. Balling up his hands at his sides, he battled the urge to bury them in her thick hair, of pulling her soft body flush against his.

Kahlan kissed him with all the pent up frustration, anger, and passion that was blazing through her. She needed to know after everything that had happened that he was still hers even though he was leaving her. She could feel him fighting his desire for her, could feel the war storming inside of him. She could also feel him beginning to lose that battle as her hands began to dance over his flesh.

She took hold of his hand as she kissed him, placing it on her breast. She longed for his touch, his strong hands feeling her, stroking and exploring her, strumming her body and thrusting her passion to that blissful precipice that he always took her over. Covering his hand with hers, she began to move his fingers, forcing him to caress her through her nightdress.

Richard closed his eyes, his mind reeling with the sensations she was stirring within him. No matter what had happened out on that ledge, his passion and his love for her could never die. The feel of her hand over his, stroking her breast was further igniting their need for one another. Tears pricked his eyes as he felt himself giving in to her.

She drew his lower lip into her mouth, sucking and teasing it, softly biting it before releasing it. Her tongue began to beg his lips for entrance to his mouth, to taste him once more.

In that instant, his lips slowly parted. Kahlan quickly plunged her tongue into the hot cavern of his mouth, teasing him and savoring his taste. Against his will, his hands immediately found her luscious hair, burying them deep in the long strands and tugging on it as he returned her kisses with a passion that equaled her own. He moaned deeply, the sound being captured by her mouth as her tongue stroked his, causing a rush of arousal to sear through his body.

"Kahlan…" he panted heavily as he attempted to pull back, his heart thundering with frantic need. "I…I can't…I don't...deserve…" he began, shaking his head slowly back and forth as he desperately tried to rein in his heated longing for her.

"Shh…yes, you can…and you do deserve my love more than anyone…" she lovingly breathed against his lips. "I love you, Richard," she declared, her breath coming out in short heated pulls as her fingers began to tug at the laces of his sleeping pants, savoring the taste of his flesh as her tongue dipped into the hollow of his collarbone.

"…forever, Kahlan…" he whispered so softly, anguish filling his words and breaking her heart.

Her hands roamed over his back, her nails raking over his hardened flesh. She determined to make him see how much she loved him, how foolish his self-imposed pity and guilt was. No one blamed him but himself. If she could just prove to him that their love was stronger than this, then maybe he would stay.

Blazing a trail of kisses along his cheekbone, she seductively whispered into his ear, "Richard, please…take my breath away once more."

Releasing a throaty moan, Richard swiftly captured her lips in a passionate kiss that caused her blood to pulse hotly through her veins. His hands quickly found the straps of her nightdress, sliding it off of her shoulders, allowing it to pool at her feet. Picking her up, he carried her to their bed.

After everything that had happened, he knew he could not deny her this. He would show her all the love that he held in his heart for her, that she was the only one he would ever love. He wasn't leaving to hurt her, but to save her from him.

His fingers sank into the soft flesh of her hips, relishing in her feminine curves as he began kissing down her throat, tears trickling free from his eyes. Tonight, she would know his love for her.

XXX

Sunlight filtered brightly through the windows, filling the suite. Feeling the warmth pouring into the room, Kahlan smiled to herself as her hand drifted over to the spot beside her in bed. Last night had been intensely passionate. They had made love long into the night, sharing what they held in their hearts for each other.

It had been so heated that knew she had to have changed Richard's mind about leaving. He had to have seen how much she loved him, how much she needed him here with her. She hoped to talk to him today about having a baby.

Running her fingers along the satin sheets, her eyes suddenly flew open. There was nothing there but cool empty sheets where Richard should have been. Panic washed over her as she sat forward, holding the sheet modestly against her chest. Tears immediately flooded her eyes as she scanned the room for any sign that he was still here. His pack was gone as was his sword.

"No…no, no…" she began to chant, desperate to quell the fear and anguish that was rising up to suffocate her. He wouldn't have left her without waking her, without saying goodbye.

Looking at his pillow through a veil of tears, Kahlan found something lying on top of it. Reaching over, Kahlan picked up his tooth necklace he had left behind for her. Clutching the pendant tightly in her hand, she drew her knees up to her chest as heartrending sobs filled the room…

 

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
